Census Crazy
I filled out my 2010 census form yesterday. It took all of two minutes, but I noticed a peculiar phrase at the beginning. The form said I should "count all people, including babies..."
Including babies? What sort of person wouldn't already think of a baby as a unique person worthy of counting? Who but a communist would need that clarified for them - or feel the need to clarify it to to others? DO WE NOT COUNT THE FETUS?!
Conservatives believe all sorts of nonsense about the census and, not surprisingly, oppose filling out the race portion of the form for fear of... I don't know, a non-white or a non-missile getting a Federal penny? Beck bizarrely posits, "they are asking the race question to try to increase slavery" and many conservatives will be writing in "American" for their race. (Upon informing my brother of this, he replied, "That sounds like a race of assholes.")
Now I know Beck doesn't literally believe people have been alive since 1790, but since the things he believes about the census are almost as absurd I decided to run with it for the sake of a joke. Also, this comic is merely an illustrated version of a blog post I did last week, then took down, so to make up for that I will have another cartoon this Friday on Jihadi Jane.
posted by Matt Bors at
3:00 AM
8 Comments:
My wife included our 2-year-old girl but not our male fetus when filling out the census form. And she's carrying him around with him kicking her all day, so she probably didn't forget.
But she is kind of a man-hater, so maybe she wanted to put off counting another one. All part of the femmie-lesbo witchcraft conspiracy, for sure.
I don't really have a problem with white fundamentalist idiots not putting down a race on their census, so long as it skews the numbers towards more minorities. Then in a year or two when the numbers are released, we'll get to hear Glenn Beck complain about how the "White Race" is disappearing and being replaced with mixed and Latinos.
You know, he'd actually be pretty entertaining if it wasn't for the fact that people take him seriously. I think we could replace him one day with Stephen Colbert and most of his fans wouldn't notice that Stephen is satire.
He should be fatter. Glenn Beck, like all good AmeriCons, looks like an uncooked suet pudding.
Seriously though...I just hope everyone remembered to check the "DON'T EUTHANIZE ME, PLEASE" box on page 2.
I was surprised they asked for people's names. I don't recall filling out previous censuses (probably because my housemates were too stoned to distinguish the form from a credit card application), so it was all new to me. Like losing my virginity, but in a really boring way.
How many nations in history have survived through a population that's made up of approximately 50% lunatics?
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More census craziness, via Colbert:
http://www.infowars.com/census-gps-a-missile-at-your-door/
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