007

This is from the back of an old James Bond novel I found.

How could his women be more willing than usual? It would have to be a porno where they toss out any pretense of a plot and get right down to business.

Bonus Wars

The outrage over AIG bonuses turned into poo-pooing the populist rage and fretting about the anger level. After all, a few people sent threatening e-mails to the company so the French Revolution was clearly at hand. Someone throws a brick through your front window with a shotgun shell taped to it, OK. But don't complain to Barney Frank if someone dashes off a threatening e-mail.

This cartoon was directly inspired by Jack DeSantis, the whiny bitch who got to publish his resignation letter to AIG in the NY Times last week. Jack got a $742,000 bonus and feels he is being unfairly demonized, lumped in with the bad employees responsible for the company's implosion. I feel so bad for him. Many Americans would have to work full time for 25 years to make that kind of money.

In this environment, the fact that DeSantis can even choose to resign from his job is itself a luxury. People who haven't already lost their jobs are stressed out about getting cut and are being overworked by their employers.

And since the NY Times pays quite well, DeSantis was compensated more for writing his own resignation letter than many of us make in a week of work. Oh, the indignities he suffers!

Repo Man

There's a radio ad running for a local car dealership where the following rough transcription is part of the pitch: "and if things get bad and you can't afford payments, you can just bring the car back!"

I never thought repossession could sound like such an exciting feature.

Time To Update The References

We've all heard about Mexican drug cartels smuggling American machine guns across the border. But did you know there is a big demand for antique pistolas?

(click here to view)

Jimmy Margulies The Record Mar 27, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Illo

For the OC Weekly. A man wishes death upon a fellow cyclist.

Am(erican) Way

It was fun while it lasted.

Sketch

Fight the power, Newt!

ThinkProgress on the Tea Party Protests:

The “tea party” protests nationwide are being coordinated by the conservative public relations firm Freedom Works, which is run by former Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX). The tea parties are also being supported by Newt Gingrich, through his organization American Solutions For Winning the Future.

These "tea parties" are ironic on a few levels. They are mostly made up of people who constantly defended Bush as he asserted powers previously known only to kings and dictators. And they are funded and promoted by that same political party.

The only way this would be comparable to the original Boston Tea Party would be if Sam Adams was being funded by The Crown.

Meathead

The $5 Foot Long comic reminded me of this illo I did a few weeks ago. This guy was upset about the portion of meat on his sub. It's $5, bro. What do you want?

True Story

I love how far movies have come with the "Based on a True Story" tag line. This used to be relegated to biopics, but now it's appearing on trash like The Strangers. I half expect to see it on Iron Man 2. Check out the latest fact-based flick.

Ah, Yes. The famous true story of the boy who had paranormal turds fly out of his mouth, dispelling everything we know about reality and the laws of physics. I remember reading that in the newspaper.

This ad for the truer-than-life horror flick was on YouTube.

Click to watch two dead boys? I'M THERE!

Obama-bot

After 8 years of a President that sounds like a drunken child, having an even-tempered Commander-In-Chief seems like a blessing. It's also quite boring as Obama doesn't do anger very well. Last week he attempted to express outrage over the AIG bonuses. He came off as moderately perturbed.

These bonuses are a mere peanut in the bailout turd. All said, they represent very little of the money we spent and/or wasted. But they are representative of the Wall Street excess and greed everyday people resent. We need a president that channels the righteous mob anger of the people--with fire breath and go-go gadget arms!

Tips!

I changed my cardboard donate sign to a tip jar, which feels a bit more dignified. I know most everyone is hurting in this economy. But if you recently received a fat taxpayer funded bonus and you enjoy reading my comics, toss me a buck.

Retention Camp Bonus

There's quite a letter in the NYTimes today:

A.I.G. entered into legally enforceable contracts with individuals who have not been convicted, or even charged, with wrongdoing. Years from now, history will view this extraordinary act as similar to the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II and the Salem witch trials, an embarrassment to our great nation.

Yes, we'll all hang our heads in shame in a few decades at the opening of the Rich CEO Oppression Museum as Congress drafts an official apology for heavily taxing some of the richest--and most incompetent--people in the land. This Trail of Tears style of oppression must end!

Illos

Here's an illo and an unused sketch for the OC Weekly about how people on Bluetooth headsets come off as crazy people talking to themselves.



The woman described was carrying on an animated conversation from the checkout line of a grocery store to the parking lot, never acknowledging the cashier or anyone else.

More Monkey Business

This is probably the lamest cartoon controversy I've ever seen in a while.

Sub-Prime Sub Market

This combines two things that have been on my mind lately. I imagine pointy-headed anthropologists looking back at video clips of Mad Money in a few hundred years and questioning how we managed to get as far as we did.

I've found $5 foot longs to be a great hunger buster when you are broke, even though they will probably trigger the deflationary spiral that obliterates the economy once and for all.

Joe Ratzinger on Condoms

Looks like the Vatican is doing a worse job than the GOP at staying relevant.

Outrage Meter

Remember when $9 Billion disappeared in Iraq and it was barely mentioned?

Future of Comics #8,395

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has printed its last issue and will go online from this point forward. It doesn't exactly look like a glorious interweb future for the paper either. Most of the staff has been laid off and the paper will now be "mostly commentary, advice and links to other news sites, along with some original reporting." Seattlepi.com: your portal to links to other news sites!

I'm always concerned about where editorial cartooning fits into these things. They usually don't. The P-I has two-time Pulitzer Prize winner David Horsey on staff and he will retain his job. That's the good news. But apparently Horsey is directly employed by the Hearst Corporation, the P-I's owner, and his cartoons will now be used in their 16 papers.

So while I'm happy to see a cartoonist whose work I like continue, an internet staffer he will not necessarily be. And that's what I've been watching and waiting for. In the transition--or collapse--into internet publishing, cartoons are not part of the equation and the revenues generated from a website seem to make a staff position a pipe dream.

You only need to look at this list Cagle posted of recently laid off, bought out and retired cartoonists to see where we are headed. The list of internet staff cartoonists is quite different. There isn't a single one.

I've been trying to avoid posting gloomy news about editorial cartoons, but it's hard.

Walker, Texas President

This is my 500th Idiot Box. I appreciate all of you that come here or pick up a paper every week to read it. Thanks!

Chuck Norris, known to many as an internet joke, has a serious side to him. He writes a weekly column for World Net Daily, a popular news site for militia members and Christian home-schoolers, where he espouses on "Black Belt Patriotism" and other intersections of Karate and 'Merica. He made his comments about being President of Texas as a joke on Glenn Beck's radio show. However, they were based in his serious suggestion that we may need another revolutionary war.

The comic is pure silliness, but these little ravings about revolution are beginning to come out of the lunatic fringe characters like Chuck Norris, Alan Keyes and Glenn Beck (who inexplicably was given a television show). Beck had an...interesting take on the rampaging psychopath in Alabama. When the next Timothy McVeigh happens, what will these guys have to say about it?

Cramer Comics

(click here to view)

MStreeter Savannah Morning News Mar 15, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

The little i-don't-know-what in the bottom corner says, "Courtesy of Jon Stewart, in a Russert-worthy performance." Tim Russert had performances like that? When? A huge problem with the media is that Jon Stewart, host of a fake news show, has to perform tasks that Russert and others were and are supposed to do.

Friday the web was buzzing about Stewart's take-down of Cramer. Every liberal blog posted the video with their two cents thrown in, which illustrated that vast array of original content they all provide. The reason the interview was such a great sensation is that things like that almost never happen. If this type of thing were going on every Sunday on Meet The Press and the other political talk shows, it would hardly be news. In fact, it probably wouldn't have happened because Stewart, as he said at the end of the interview, would like to get back poop jokes.

Another point on the comic: "Cramer vs. Cramer" was used by Stewart last week so it's probably not wise to put it in your cartoon. This cartoon released Friday simply illustrates a joke Stewart told in the interview. If cartoonists are going to idolize Stewart and steal his jokes, then he deserves the accolades and we deserve to die.

Unfortunately, I'll be late to the party since my Cramer comic comes out Wednesday, which is a full week after I drew it. Only having comics released two days a week can mess you up when you want to address a fresh topic. However, I did make it without the aid of Comedy Central writers.

Sketch

Clicky for large.

Handout

10%

This photo was sent in from my Cleveland bureau. It's a line of people waiting to get into a job fair this morning.


click to biggify

Update: NPR, who was scooped on this story by my Cleveland bureau, reported that a fire marshal ordered no more people to be allowed in.

Civil Discourse

The CIA has now acknowledged that they destroyed 92 tapes of so-called harsh interrogations of detainees. A new secret internal CIA document I have obtained reveals who destroyed the tapes. Take a look. Perhaps you've heard of him before.

Killed Art

There's a flip side to editors approving clumsy, offensive cartoons and illustrations that rile millions and spark riots: killing good art out of timidity. Or a paranoid Freudian mind that sees deviousness in the inked line.

Alternet has posted some illustrations from the book All The Art That’s Fit to Print (And Some That Wasn’t) which is a collection of New York Times Op-Ed art. Obviously some highly-charged offensive stereotypes were killed by wise editors, right? Well, if you consider sweat beads on Bush's forehead as he contemplates the results of the 2000 election offensive, then you must be relieved. While providing a glimpse into some great art we wouldn't otherwise see, it also baffles the mind to read what editors perceive in these things.

Take the rather innocuous and cartoony drawing of Bill Clinton by Robert Grossman that former Times Executive Editor Howell Raines killed because “It's a nasty caricature of a sitting president." My favorite is the light bulb with a copyright symbol on it for--get this--an article about copyrights! Again, Raines swooped in to squash it. The reason? "We can't publish a bare breast and a nipple!"

Get this man some help!

To me, killed cartoons and caricatures should make your jaw hit the floor, eyes pop out of your skull and maybe, just maybe, get you to understand why an editor passed on it. You should marvel at the size of the artist's balls or ovaries and wish you lived in a world where such hard-hitting commentary was published.

For instance, this Jeff Danziger cartoon was being happily passed around amongst us cartoonists near inauguration day but was rejected by his syndicate, never to be seen in print or by any web client. It becomes immediately clear why this was rejected. But too often you're left scratching your head and looking at a light bulb an editor said was a tit.

Related: Maybe the most offensive image I ever submitted to a client.

Republican Confessional

The Obama administration has been playing up the GOP's relationship with Rush Limbaugh and they, in return, have obliged in making the caricature come to life. It's pathetic to watch a grown man like Michael Steele grovel to Rush after offering such a mild criticism. How do you go home and look your wife in the face after that? It's amazing how popular and influential Rush remains after all these years. Good for him. Not even the creators of the Pet Rock were able to capitalize on American stupidity this well.

Related reading: David Frum's heretical article on Rush in the current issue of Newsweek. Key sentence: "Our party seems to be running to govern a country that no longer exists."

Get Your Face Off On

It's Friday so that means I waste invest my time watching Friday Face Offs over at David Reese's site. You should too.

The Continuing Saga of Monkey Drawing

Want to know how to draw a "gangsta monkey"? Of course you do, and this video takes you through the steps. The only thing saving this guy from an Al Sharpton boycott of his dumb videos is the fact that it's an old-timey gangster as opposed to a ghetto thug. But it's hard to imagine how you could say this without cringing: "He is going to have a huge jaw because that is what gangster monkeys have got, maybe his collar is turned up with a trench coat and being a monkey he has got really long arms so chances are his knuckles are going to be dragging the ground especially if he is a gangster monkey..."

Get Fuzzy

A friend sent me this screenshot featuring a hot new video.

One month ago...

Not sure if it's working, Michael.

PETA PR

PETA has been in the news a lot lately. They created a softcore veggie porn commercial which delivers a simple message: eat your greens and hot chicks will bone you. If it works anything like beer commercials, America will soon be awash in militant vegans.

Then there's the inflammatory comparisons of the American Kennel Club to the KKK. This is based on the AKC being a bunch of rich assholes who cringe at the thought of buying shelter dogs and are obsessed with expensive pure breeds that make them feel superior to us commoners. You know, an obvious comparison to a terrorist group that strung up black people from tree limbs.

Hey, whatever works. But does it? These campaigns seem more obnoxious and juvenile than anything people will take seriously.

comics

I like these comics by Jen Sorensen and Tom Tomorrow on our newfangled technology.

Rush Limbaugh

This guy could dominate a news cycle with a fart. Republicans would cheer and rally around it. 900 Liberal blogs would rant about it. Candy Crowley would interview it. One Republican would mention that their party can't expand on the strength of Rush's farts alone. That would send the media into overdrive as it speculated on the fart divide tearing apart the GOP. Rush would threaten to fart on the dissenter, forcing that man to apologize and praise the importance and splendid odor of Rush's farts.

Coal Blooded Killers

Mountaintop Removal Mining is known to be environmentally hazardous and leave the land with all the beauty of a dried up turd. Today on Democracy Now! an environmentalist had an interesting way of describing the process:

Well, basically, the coal industry comes in and cuts all the trees off the top of the mountain, and most of the time they don’t even use the trees. Then they set—they take bulldozers and scrape the wonderful topsoil from the top of the mountain, and then they drill holes and use ammonium nitrate, which Timothy McVeigh used in the Oklahoma City bombing, and they load those charges, and then they set a blast off. And it shakes the whole valley.

It's little comments like that that brighten up the dull newscasts of Democracy Now! I like how the activist semi-subtly connects cigar chomping Big Coal capitalists to right-wing christian terrorists via a chemical compound. Now that I'm looking over that statement with this idea in mind, all I'm seeing are missed opportunities.

For instance, she missed a chance to compare the bulldozers the coal industry uses to the ones Israel uses to bowl over Palestinian shacks. Hello! That would have been a big winner with DN listeners. I'm sure it occurred to Amy Goodman as well, but she didn't want to say it and betray her objectivity on that issue.

In fact, the whole process of Mountaintop Removal Mining is eerily similar to how Galactus, The Ravager of Worlds, devours a planet. As a comic fan I'm upset that no one uses that.

Next time I'm describing someone I don't like, I'm going to connect them to McVeigh. "Yeah, Ryan. You know him? He drives a pickup truck just like Timothy McVeigh used in the Oklahoma City Bombing. Same make and model. Dude's an asshole."

Not Making Cents

Taxes on the top 5% will be raised slightly under Obama. 100% of the people who opine about taxes on TV fit into that elite group so you can expect a lot of bitching and moaning. People who live better than 99.9% of all human beings who have ever existed and complain about tax rates should be forced to scrounge for food in a Haitian landfill for the rest of their lives.

On another note, how 'bout Bobby Jindal? I can't wait until the primary debate between him, Palin, Huckabee, Romney and Joe the Plumber. They can argue about volcano monitoring and whether or not we should question when the Good Lord sees fit to 'splode one on a deserving secular township.