Bat Crap

Unfortunately, the following items are not intended ironically. First, this Randy Bish cartoon from yesterday. It's a strange maudlin mishmash of the tribute cartoon and the summer superhero analogy cartoon.

(click here to view)

Randy Bish Tribune-Review Jul 29, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Then there was this Op-Ed in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, titled "What Bush and Batman Have in Common." No, it's not about their respective daddy issues. Andrew Klavan sat down and typed the following without a hint of irony and saw that it was good:

There seems to me no question that the Batman film “The Dark Knight,” currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war. Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

Myspace Diplomacy

Why go to all the trouble of opening an embassy in Tehran? Just setup a myspace page, send them a friend request and take it from there.

Friday: Amy Winehouse!

Airport Insecurity

Cross-posted at the ACLU's Blog of Rights.

Mood lighting. Soft music. Relax and kick off your shoes—someone is about to peek beneath your clothes. No, you aren’t at the honeymoon suite yet—you’re still stuck at the airport security checkpoint.

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is adopting some "calming" techniques to make you relaxed for their ever-increasing security procedures. My latest Civil Discourse comic goes through some of features at the Indianapolis Airport that were designed with the help of psychologists to create peaceful acquiescence in passengers.

Besides making security checks a relaxing vacation destination of their own, they seek to normalize full-body scanners that make sure that really isn’t a bazooka in your pants. In case there is any doubt the TSA would like all airports to operate this way, they are calling it a "Checkpoint of the Future."

The IndyStar reports the "TSA will be looking for people who aren’t calm." A stranger having a quick look at your genitals. Who wouldn’t be calm?

Of course, you can opt for a good old fashioned pat-down if prefer. (And who doesn’t?) The naked machine isn’t mandatory…yet. So calm down. OR ELSE.

Mapping Victory In Iraq

Remember when calling for a "timetable" to get out of Iraq was characterized as handing Osama Bin Laden our battle plans and giving him a "date certain" that he could move in and become the emperor of that country? How far we've come. Iraq's leaders,Bush, Obama and McCain now all say the are in favor of a time something. (insert your favorite word here and denounce anyone who uses a different term as a traitor.)

Oh, and if you say it's based on "conditions on the ground" then your plan is pro-good, pro-troop and pro-pro. As opposed to someone who bases withdrawal on conditions in the sky, outer space, or below the Earth's mantle where Brendan Fraser explores.

Wednesday: Myspace Diplomacy

Fishwraps

Chris Hedges has a column over at Truthdig about the decline of print. A factoid in the following paragraph caught my eye:

When the traditional news organizations go belly up we will lose a vast well of expertise and information. Our democracy will suffer a body blow. Not that many will notice. The average time a reader of The New York Times spends with the printed paper is about 45 minutes. The average time a viewer spends on The New York Times Web site is about seven minutes. There is a difference between browsing and reading. And the Web is built for browsing rather than for reading. When there is a long piece on the Internet, most of us have to print it out to get through it.

Beggar

How 'bout that economy?

Get Off My Lawn

Staying ever relevant, The Washington Post published a ridiculous Op-Ed yesterday by Richard Cohen railing against...tattoos. Yes, tattoos. Did you know many young people have them? He even manages to tie it into Social Security. It's called "Ink-Stained Wretchedness" and has the tone of a crotchety old man ranting about tattooed hooligans circa 1991 (at least).

Here's the juicy parts:

The tattoo is the battle flag of today in its war with tomorrow. It is carried by sure losers.

How can anyone who knows how fickle fashion is, how times change, how their own tastes have "improved," decorate their body in a way that's nearly permanent? I don't get it.

I asked a college professor what she thought of tattoos, and she said that for young people, they represent permanence in an ever-changing world. But how is that possible? Anyone old enough and smart enough to get into college knows that only impermanence is permanent.

The permanence of the moment -- the conviction that now is forever -- explains what has happened to the American economy. We are, as a people, deeply in debt.

Today's [tattoos] are gargantuan, inevitably tacky, gauche and ugly. They bear little relationship to the skin that they're on. They don't represent an indelible experience or membership in some sort of group but an assertion that today's whim will be tomorrow's joy.

Muslim In America

One of the things about the whole "Obama's a Muslim" smear that gets lost is the fact that there's nothing inherently wrong with being a Muslim. It's a little embarrassing to watch Obama run away from that, but run he must. The damage of the smear and pervasiveness of those e-mails must make Muslims in America feel like shit--they are hated by a large percentage of their countrymen.

Beck Redux!

I don't know why Glenn Beck is intruding into my life so much lately but I caught this comic by Rob Smith, Jr., who draws cartoons for his program, and wanted to post it.

It doesn't have much of a point other than to make fun of Barack's middle name. But check his suitcase in the corner. It lists all the places he's been and adds a question mark sticker. Nice touch.

Chicago. Kenya. Hawaii. Just where else has Obama been that we don't know about? Perhaps a volcano lair with socialist leaders.

(click here to view)

Rob Smith, Jr. The Glenn Beck Program Jul 22, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Also, let me say it's great that they have an editorial cartoonist of their own for the Glenn Beck website. I only wish liberal sites would do this.

Beck

Due to the cruel, uncaring nature of the universe, Glenn Beck hosted Larry King Live tonight on CNN as well as his own show on Headline News which airs at the exact same time. Whether you have 40 channels or 400, there is certainly no rational reason to have this man eating up two of them.

Of course, I say this in a country that has a game show like Hurl!

After Gitmo

It's been reported that serious discussions are going on in the Bush administration about closing the Guantanamo prison camp. There appears to be two options for dealing with the remaining detainees: bringing them here for trial or sending them home. But those would be the right things to do--very boring and too in keeping with the law for Bush. Maybe he'll get creative.

Wednesday: Muslim In America

New Books

I have some cartoons in two new collections released this week by Penguin Pelican that collect cartoons from the primary season--one for Democrats and one for Republicans.

I'm told a good share of the royalties will go to the AAEC.

Compelling Legal Arguments For Executive Power

We are in a strange time for American Law.

Monday: What Comes After Gitmo?

The Dark Knight

I'm having trouble coming up with the theme editorial cartoonists will use when they haphazardly force a Batman analogy in their coming cartoons. The Hulk was easy: "Gas prices make consumer mad!" Maybe an old couple sitting on a couch five feet from a 92 inch plasma TV. Batman's on the screen (bootlegged copy) and one says "Can he save our mortgage?" Bonus after thought from the cat sitting in the corner: "Such a joker."

I'd say that's cringe-inducing enough to appear in a newspaper.

Some cartoonists are seemingly bound by law to adapt every motion picture to some current political item. Some get special treatment. (why do one Brokeback Mountain cartoon when you can do five?) Let's hope the Mamma Mia! cartoons make it out of the sketchbook next week.

Bad Call

This whole cover controversy made me realize I haven't received an issue of The New Yorker for a few weeks. My elitism might wear off. I called to see if there was a problem with my subscription.

After hearing a pre-recorded explanation of the meaning for the cover, I pressed some buttons and got through. The woman I talked to sounded relieved that I actually wanted to receive the magazine. I asked if it was a rough day. "You're the first person in a few hours that hasn't yelled at me." Were a lot of people calling to cancel their subscriptions? "Some. Mostly people calling to tell me I'm racist. I want to go home."

She's just at some call center the magazine farms this crap work out to. I felt bad and told her I'd buy her a beer if I could. She said thanks and had one last question. "Would you like to buy a gift subscription today for only $39?"

She didn't want to ask, but the call may have been monitored to ensure quality service.

New Yorker Round Up!

Thankfully, the New Yorker cover controversy has died down and we can all go back to talking about important matters like Madonna's brother's new book (/sarcasm). Unlike The New York Times, If I want to know satirists take on a cartoon controversy, I will refer to cartoonists--not Jay Leno writers.

The Comics Reporter and the Columbia Journalism Review both have takes from a number of cartoonists, including myself.

Lloyd Dangle's latest tackles cartoon outrage and Tom Tomorrow illustrates how to make satire more obvious. Joel Pett ups the meta-levels.

Most in the media went directly to analysis of the cover without questioning why Obama felt the need to immediately denounce the cover. Cartoonists bristle when elected officials start issuing critiques of the craft. Kevin Moore, Signe Wilkinson and Mike Lester go after Obama.

I was going to draw something but it wouldn't have come out until Friday. A new story will be blown out of proportion by then. (However, if a newspaper would like to hire me to draw cartoons six days a week, please shoot me an e-mail!) Until then, I'll throw out these now again--a new feature for throwaway cartoons on the news of the day. My own editorial cartoon generator. No drawing required!

What should I call it?

Happy Thoughts

John McCain's Chief Economic Adviser, Phil Gramm, said our "nation of whiners" is only in a "mental recession." Get someone at Freddie Mac some happy pills so we can fix this mess! Actually, scratch that. We need a deeper solution to our mental woes than pharmaceuticals. A holistic approach.

Sounds like a job for one of the biggest BS artists in the land...

Friday: Compelling Legal Arguments For Executive Power

Rolling Out the Welcome Mat

cross-posted at the ACLU's Blog of Rights.

Bush's approval ratings are so low they would have given King George pause, yet Congress keeps granting him all the power he wants. Their latest capitulation on FISA granted the President even more power to spy on Americans without a warrant. Count the Fourth Amendment among the many Bush has trampled on.

But we still have the Third Amendment! You remember the Third, don't you? It's the one about the government not being able to quarter soldiers in our homes. Sounds a bit antiquated in this modern era but at least the government can't spend the night after their unreasonable search and seizure.

The latest Civil Discourse comic imagines what may happen if the President decided he needed some leeway in that department. Nothing says "fightin' terror" quite like a soldier in the living room!

It may seem far-fetched, but hey, Bush only has a few months left in office and this guy seems like he's trying to set a record for Amendments shattered.

Warning: Satire Ahead

The Magazine Cover That Destroyed Earth continued to gain steam today. I thought I'd throw this cartoon from a few months ago back out there. It treads similar ground to the New Yorker cover although it contains a little more context with the words--a crucial factor in not ending the world with your confusing images.

Randi Rhodes is a staunch Obama booster. I caught a few minutes of her radio show today where she was railing against the cover. According to her, the illustration has made it "exponentially more difficult, if not impossible" for Obama's supporters to convince people who are on the fence to vote for him. "if not impossible?" I'm glad to see she has a sense of scale about the whole controversy.

Grand Bipartisan Solution

Obama and other Democrats voted for a new, more expansive FISA law, granting immunity to the telecoms despite not knowing exactly what they did. The FISA court was already so permissive it's kind of a wonder Bush needed to insist on more power. Almost every single warrant ever brought was rubber stamped by a secret court. They could even start wiretapping and saunter in three days later and get it approved.

I suppose when there is an election coming up, caving into a President with horribly low approval ratings is seen as strength and the clear and simple language of the 4th Amendment is "just words."

Congress' approval is at 9% right now. That's basically a national "no confidence" vote. I think Robert Mugabe might be shamed into stepping down if his approval got that low.

Wednesday: Happy Thoughts for the Mental Recession

Obama: Satire Is Offensive

The latest cover of The New Yorker, drawn by Barry Blitt, looks like it will be the latest fake outrage since The Huffington Post has it as the top story with a red headline. (just to let you know how important it is.) I think they should have double underlined it. Let's all cancel our New Yorker subscriptions! Barry Blitt and Jesse Jackson should tattoo "I'm sorry" on their fucking faces! Do they use soy-based inks? Let's investigate! Oh hey, didn't the mortgage industry almost collapse Friday?

You'd think Obama and his supporters would appreciate a sympathetic magazine like The New Yorker lampooning the right-wing caricature of him. But satire is too divisive for Obama. His campaign condemned the image:

“The New Yorker may think, as one of their staff explained to us, that their cover is a satirical lampoon of the caricature Sen. Obama's right-wing critics have tried to create. But most readers will see it as tasteless and offensive. And we agree."

They "may think" it's satire? Is it possible that it is something else? A photorealistic illustration of the Senator or perhaps a crossword puzzle?

I'm not so sure about condemning the scary drawing so quickly. It makes his campaign seem like The New Yorker is on their radar. New Yorker=Elitist. Could backfire. They may have some gay friends in those red states, but a subscription to The New Yorker? That's for people who wear a monocle.

Yup. Jake Tapper's ABC blog: "sophisticates...liberal politics... Upper East Side liberal...superior." Jake is so anti-elitist he includes a hyperlink to the Urban Dictionary entry on "dap" so all his readers--farmers, mill workers, cattle ranchers--will know what's going on.

Wait....my spellcheck doesn't recognize "dap" or "Obama". Racism or satire?

The Other Care Bears

Obama's recent statements on faith-based initiatives, Scalia's arguments on gun rights, third trimester abortion, public financing and FISA have left many progressives scratching their heads. Is this the guy they voted for in the primary? What I find most shocking is that people are shocked. Remember the "Harry and Louis" type ads he sent out about Hillary's superior health care plan? Democrats go for this weak-kneed strategy election after election.

If it wasn't for McCain running the WORST campaign in history, I'd say Obama might go down like Kerry. But he should still walk away with this thing.

Previous Care Bear comics are here and here.

Monday's cartoon will deal with the FISA nonsense. In the meantime, enjoy this half-assed cartoon recycled from a cartoon I already did.

Photo Fun

Following up on the post about photoshopping portraits of reporters, it seems Vanity Fair has some very respectable portraits of FOX News anchors. According to O'Reilly this would be OK to run on a cable news broadcast as real:

And since there is no distinction between illustrations and photographs anymore I feel I should reveal this exclusive photo I took of Steve Doocey so you caricaturists out there at least know what you are basing your work on. I didn't touch it up.

He does drugs.

Cover

I illustrated the cover story for the current issue of Willamette Week in Portland. The story by Nigel Jaquiss is called "The Sopranokovs" and is about a Russian mob scamming the government with medical identity theft.

Just Say It

Jesse Jackson's remarks about wanting to make Barack Obama the first Black President to get his nuts cut off is getting a lot of play. It always boggles my mind that in news reports of these supposedly important stories, you often don't get to read controversial remarks, but hear them described in a roundabout way.

The "Nappy Headed Hos" controversy comes to mind. Reading about it in newspapers made it hard to figure out what was said. I guess they feel adults can't handle offensive language relayed for journalistic purposes and want to tempt readers to go to the internet. (And people say newspapers aren't relevant!)

Anyway, I like this description from ABC:

Rev. Jesse L. Jackson Sr., founder and president of the Rainbow PUSH Coalition, made a crude and disparaging remark along the lines of wanting to rip Obama's genitals off...

Instead of saying it was "along the lines" of ripping his balls off, why not just come out and say he wanted to cut them off? To my mind, cutting balls off is far less brutal than having them ripped off. Snipping nuts at least leaves a clean cut for the doctors to work with. Ripping? Oh dear god.

Update: Check out this hilarious compilation of of the cable networks struggling to explain what Jackson said.

Old Cartoons Seem New!

"We are there at the invitation of the Iraqi government. This is a sovereign nation. Twelve million people went to the polls to approve a constitution. It’s their government’s choice. If they were to say, leave, we would leave."

--Bush to reporters in 2007

Iraqi public opinion has long favored us getting the hell out of their country. Now the Prime Minister of Iraq is insisting on a timetable for withdrawal. Our response: NO.

Here's a cartoon from last year that would be more topical if I issued it today.

How many years will it take for this cartoon to become dated?

Gag Cartoon

Bill O'Reilly vs. art

Bill O'Reilly is launching an absurd defense of his co-workers at Fox & Friends for their childish photoshopping of two reporters they didn't like. He says The New York Times are hypocrites for once hiring editorial cartoonist Ward Sutton to draw an illustration of him. (not particularly vicious caricatures either.)

He calls it "the most hypocritical situation we have ever seen."

Beside seizing any opportunity to attack the Times, Bill seems to be making an "all or nothing" argument here. Either all media outlets agree to never hire an illustrator to draw someone and run only approved portraits...or it's ok to manipulate photographs of enemies, make them look ugly and pass them off as real on a "news" show.

Original Art

I've got 'em for sale. If you want one, shoot me an e-mail: comics--at--mattbors dot com.

Qualifications

The dust up over Gen. Wesley Clark's comments about John McCain illustrates how dumb the 24 hour news cycle can get.

Clark, along with Obama, always preface any remarks on McCain with at least a paragraph of fawning praise for His Glorious Service In The Military. You could say that Clark shouldn't have gone where he went. But it was Bob Schieffer who suggested that being shot down was a qualification--pulling it out of of thin air--and Clark merely rebutted with a factual statement.

Schieffer: I have to say, Barack Obama has not had any of those experiences either, nor has he ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down. I mean --

Clark: Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president.

Schieffer: Really?

Really, Bob. Article II of the Constitution makes no mention of it.

The media jumped on Clark instantly and labeled his comments "swiftboating." Obama came out immediately to praise McCain's patriotism some more and make sure no one would associate him with a factual statement like that--people are dumb, he must have assumed, better to run away than explain it to them.

His words generally weren't read in context and quickly devolved into fantasy, with one FOX guest saying, "I'm very concerned that a four star General would say being shot at is not military service. What in the world does that say to our troops?" Yes, Wes Clark, who has been shot himself, said being shot is not military service. He then took off his medals, threw them over the fence John Kerry's went over and bowed to Mecca.

The Smith Equation

This is running Sunday in The Oregonian. Gordon Smith is up for reelection in the Senate and by watching his campaign ads you'd think he was a Democrat. He claims to be "one of the first" to stand up to Bush on the War (the one in Iraq) and claims Barack Obama likes him bunches. Pretty soon he'll be trying to literally spoon feed voters bullshit.

Obit Watch

Two bozos just died: Bozo the clown and the despicable racist Jesse Helms. We can expect some obit cartoons for both. (including using the line about "two bozos," I'm sure.)

John Kovalic has made a do-it-yourself obit for Bozo and Helms: "Grab it, open photoshop, and beat many a salaried editorial cartoonist to the punch!" Check the comments for versions his readers have posted.

Here's mine:

Edit: Looking through the thread, there's some funny ones. Could it be that in 24 hours some people responding to a LiveJournal post already created some cartoons that are far better than those we'll see from professionals who seem to ape the first one out of the gate after every major death?

Yes. Yes it is.

Happy 4th!

Every 4th of July brings the world famous Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Competitive Eating, as it is called, is considered a real sport--the top ranked "athletes" living solely on prize money and endorsements. When your sport has rules like "no vomiting" you belong at a frat party, not on ESPN.

I'd say this is typically American, but the Japanese have us beat hands down in their enthusiasm for this sport. We'll see if Kobayashi can reclaim his title today.

The things we do with our days off...

See last year's Competitive Shitting for more.

Monday: Was your jet shot down? If so, you are qualified to be President!

Losing Hearts and Minds

I was thinking about doing a comic about this, but eventually passed. I still wanted to link to the story in case you haven't heard about it. It's one of those where a mere recitation of the facts is enough to blow your mind. A high school in San Diego wanted to teach kids that drunk driving is wrong.

...a uniformed police officer had informed 20 classrooms that several students had been killed in car crashes over the weekend...

After hours of students' hysteria and uncontrollable weeping in the hallways, chaos broke out after officials revealed that the deaths were all staged. "They were traumatized, but we wanted them to be traumatized," a guidance counselor who organized the exercise told the Associated Press, "That's how they get the message."

(continued at Alternet.)

Should they be hit with exercises like this when they are younger? It would really leave a good mental scar--I mean, impression. What other illegal/immoral activities could we discourage in this way? Extra points for inducing massive emotional trauma in children.

misc.

• Christopher Hitchens accepts a challenge to be waterboarded: "Believe me, it's torture."
  
• August has the last word on Carlin's death.
• Luckovich thinks penguins live in the North Pole.
  

Drill the Whales

After we use up all the oil--what's next?