New Toon: Pope v. Islam

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The pope has been meeting with Muslims lately and talking about the need to open a dialogue between faiths. I'm all for religions existing peacefully with one another, but I'm not sure exactly what it is he thinks this will achieve. The pope should just say what it is on his mind: every Muslim will burn in hell for eternity unless they accept Jesus as their savior. It wouldn't be considered nice for him to say this, but does he not believe it? Is it not the only way to heaven?

Many religious progressives see just about everyone going to heaven as long as they've been a relatively nice person. But I would have to ask them, if you can get into heaven without Jesus then what was the point of him coming here? What is the point of religion?

Muslim leaders don't tend to be very wishy washy. They know the pope will go to hell unless he immediately rejects his satanic religion so they've done what any reasonable person holding that knowledge would do and called on the him to immediately convert to The One True Religion, Islam.

New Toon: Onward and Upward

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I updated my illustration portfolio recently with new pieces.

New Toon: Rumsfeldian Dementia

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Cash Rules

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I get requests from time to time to do more of my 'Cash Rules Everything Around Me' shirts. I'm now preparing to print an extremely small number of them, so if you want one, write me now and tell me the size. Know a Johnny Cash fan? Christmas is just around the corner.

I should have these in about a month and will be having a sale for the holidays, with huge discounts on most of my shirts.

Poetry Corner

Seen on a bathroom wall in a dive bar last night:

Here I sat
flexing my tush,
I just gave birth
to President Bush

New Toon: Democrat Appeasers...Found!

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Unfortunately, all the accusations of Democrats as terrorist appeasers and being weak on terror are causing Bush's approval rating to go up. This won't end when Bush leaves office. Every election season and anniversary of September 11th will bring shameless fear mongering by Republicans on terrorism until the end of time.

New ACLU comic

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My second comic strip for the ACLU. This one is on Abuse Of Power.

New Toon: No Moo Lies

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Here's a rather wordy comic I've been kicking around for a while after hearing about the battle between Sherman and Norman (the dogs) over Colorado's Domestic Partnership law on the ballot this November. Check out the sites, borndifferent.org and No Moo Lies. I'm firmly on the side of believing that people are born gay, but I find both sites silly. Do people really completely switch their points of view based on websites like this?

No Moo Lies is particularly ridiculous. To show that people aren't born gay, they feature evidence such as "Anne Heche, actress— dated a woman, but is now married to a man." I suppose the logic goes that if that (crazy) woman could change back to "normal" then none of the 6.5 billion people on the planet could be born gay. It's that simple.

Clearly, evidence shows most gay people to be born that way. But who cares if they are or not? If we found out tomorrow that homosexuality was chosen by people, it wouldn't change my view on gay marriage.

Thought of the Night

Joe Ratzigner, who goes by the name 'Pope Benedict XVI', should not apologize for his remarks on Islam. When you say something that offends people it only requires an apology if you didn't mean it. I think he meant what he said.

The demand for an apology for everything that offends anyone today in politics and religion bothers me. When people say things, I presume they mean it. What good does an apology do? Take George Allen's 'macaca' remarks. He clearly meant it as a racist slander and didn't seem to think it was inappropriate. So what weight does it carry when he apologizes only after a fury erupts? It's just a calculated political move of a racist. He's not sorry at all.

You will notice that atheists are not protesting or burning little pope effigies in the streets, even though the majority of his speech focused on assaulting secularism and freethinkers with jabs like "being afraid of God...is ultimately at the root of modern atheism." Apparently we just don't get too worked up over the comments of a 79-year-old man who wears a four foot tall hat.

New Toon: Baristas!

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Coffee is good. But me thinks people go a little crazy about it. The term 'barista' for instance. Why a unique title for those that serve coffee? Seems to me like a fancy name to give the illusion of a gourmet experience and justify higher prices (don't forget to tip your barista as well. Their employer apparently can't pay them enough). Yes, I know. There are all types of variables that go into creating a great espresso and only a well trained barista and coffee connoisseur can dare comprehend the complexity. But it all just seems silly to an "uncultured" Ohioan.

The original version of this was much harsher but the Stranger wanted me to make it funnier. They thought their readership would turn on me. Plus, they were big barista lovers themselves and were quite offended at my assault on their Northwestern sensibilities.

New Idiot Box comics on Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday!

New Toon: Sacrifices Must Be Made

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Sacrifices must be made...and Americans are more than willing to trade liberty for safety. A lot of them any way. Especially now that the bi-annual Fall Terror Fest is under way. Here's some figures from a new Zogby Poll. The percentage indicates people in favor of each measure.

• Allowing your purse, handbag, briefcase, backpack, or packages to be searched at random anywhere...55%
• Allowing your car to be searched at random...45%
• Allowing your telephone conversations to be monitored...37%
• Allowing your mail to be searched at random...36%

I'd be interested to know how many of those polled live in a city like New York or Washington where a terrorist attack is actually a possibility. Living in Bumfuck, Kansas doesn't warrant being scared of Islamo-fascist attacks.

In the same poll, when respondents were asked "Do you agree or disagree that there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and the 9/11 terror attacks?" 46% agreed, including 32% of Democrats. Americans are so easily manipulated by fear and misinformation that another terror attack, no matter how small, will probably galvanize the country to sign over their children for a 100 year war with Islam. But besides handing over our freedoms, are we really sacrificing anything for the safety none of us feel?

When asked by Brian Williams if Americans should have been asked to make some sacrifice after 9/11, Bush reponded:

Americans are sacrificing. I mean, we are. You know, we pay a lot of taxes. America sacrificed when they, you know, when the economy went into the tank. Americans sacrificed when, you know, air travel was disrupted. American taxpayers have paid a lot to help this nation recover. I think Americans have sacrificed.

He forgot to include the cost of replacing our faded yellow ribbon magnets for three summers in a row.

Next Week: Dogs that go moo.

New Toon: Cardboard Jihadis

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You probably heard of the National Guard's Cardboard Daddy program in which lifesize cardboard cutouts of deployed family members are issued to help people cope. I figured jihadis' families need to cope as well.

It's kind of uncouth to make fun of the program directly since this was done at the request of the families. You can't blame them for doing whatever helps to them get through it. But I don't think it's a particularly good way to deal with the absence of a loved one.

Judkins said the cutout has been a comfort since her husband was deployed in January.

``He goes everywhere with me. Every day he comes to work with me," said Judkins, who works in a dentist's office. ``I just bought a new table from the Amish community, and he sits at the head of the table. Yes, he does."

In the car, her husband's image sits behind the driver's seat so Judkins can keep an eye on him. A third-grade class writes to him as their ``adopted" guardsman. And Judkins even brought her husband's cutout -- which she calls Slim Jim, because he's not -- to confession at the local church. Full Article.

I'm sorry, but if you need to take a cardboard cutout of your husband to work with you in a dentist office and to church, then perhaps you have some issues that need to be addressed.

New Illustrations

Sometimes you just get the urge to draw to polar bears having sex on top of a rug made of your skin. Cover for the Anchorage Press. They're trying to breed some Polar Bears at a zoo up there.

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And one for the Santa Barbara Independent.

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LAFFS!

• Mikhaela is a Nazi appeaser.
  
• Bob The Angry Flower uses a subtle metaphor.
  
• An important question on stingrays from Bad Reporter.
  
• WBC News. thats Westboro Baptist Church News for those of you not yet familiar with Fred Phelp's new youtube broadcasts. This Episode: Bill O'Reilly, "Spindoctor for his father the Devil."

New Toon: Scalia's Legal Corner

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The longest of longtime readers may recognize this comic since a previous version was one of the very first idiot Box comics, done before I even had a website. Not many people had read it--it was only in print in my college newspaper-- and I was pressed for time so I redrew it for the Stranger.

New Idiot Box comics on Thursday and Saturday.

Next week: Baristas!

New Toon: 5 Years Later

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9/11 happened five damn years ago. Jesus Christ. I won't go into a somber remembrance of those that were killed or long rant against the numerous travesties of this administration. I'm sure there are plenty of places on the web where writers much better than I are attempting to make sense of the insanity that happened that day and the insanity that has happened since.

I just opted for a cartoon that makes a simple point--one that can't be stressed enough.

Jen Sorensen has a great cartoon today.
Dean Turnbloom does not.

New Toon: Miranda Rights in the Bush Era

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Pictures from The Cleveland Air Show

These were sent in by a friend


Get this kid some phone books to stand on so he can shoot some shit!


Yeah, I'll take two Kerry stickers and a 'kick their ass, take their gas,' please.


Careful boys, I see some oil wells in the background there. Don't damage 'em.

New Toon: Skid Row's Economic Rebound

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Done after hearing the average annual income has increased 1.1% in the last year.

I'll be posting another comic on Saturday.

That Old Time Religion

Great news from Pakistan, our ally in the War On Terror. Looks like they might catch up to Afghanistan in the human rights department if they get these changes to their rape laws through.

Lawmakers from a coalition of six Islamic groups threatened on Tuesday to vacate their parliamentary seats if Pakistan's government changes a rape law criticized by human rights activists.
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Under the current law, approved by a former military dictator in 1979, prosecuting a rape case requires testimony from four witnesses, making punishment almost impossible because such attacks are rarely public.

A woman who claims she was raped but fails to prove her case can be convicted of adultery, punishable by death.

Full article.

I find religious progressives intersting because they claim that the brutal stories in the Bible prescribing death to homosexuals and adulterers, the condoning of slavery, and subjegation of women are somehow allegories for a peaceful loving existence. Note the photo to the left of the article featuring women marching in favor of being executed if they are raped. Have they warped their religion or simply read the book?

New Comic

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This comic is running in the 'Back to Campus 06' paper put out by the Cleveland Free Times, was written by James Renner and Frank Lewis of said newspaper, and has the lengthy title of Things The Admissions Office Didn't Tell You About Attending College In North Eastern Ohio.

Since many of you haven't and don't attend college in NE Ohio, you probably won't get all the jokes, but let me explain the first panel. The gigantic 60 foot Jesus rising out of the water is in fact real and known to non-evangelical Ohioans as Touchdown Jesus. If Blackwell wins the Governor's race I suspect one will be erected in every town.

Forgive the gigantic size. It's a double page spread and I couldn't cut it up since the title runs across the whole thing.

New Toon: The Meetup

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I did this one about week and a half ago and forgot to post it here for some reason.

The Weekly Woof

When I did this comic, I used a map created by blackdog.net, an activity site for kids. They then asked me to illustrate a weekly feature for them. The result is the Weekly Woof, where I will be illustrating jokes for kids. I'm not sure what day new ones will be going up, but you can check out the 'Woof' here.

New Toon: The Right Ideas

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As has been the case for the last few weeks, I'll be posting a good amount of comics in the next few days so check back.

John Karr's Got Nothing On Me

Strangely enough, in what seems to be a complete coincidence, the two local papers here did articles on me only one day apart.

The Akron Beacon Journal did an article on me yesterday.

And the Canton Repository did an article for their Friday arts and entertainment section, the Ticket. They even reprinted three of my comics in color.

I appeared in the Repository once before. When I was 15 they put a picture of me busting a gap on my skateboard on the front page of the Sunday paper. The article focused on the skateboarding scene in Canton, which consisted of me and about five other people. Unfortunately, I can't link to that gem because it isn't archived on their site. You'll just have to read the stuff about me doing comics.