Chuck E. Cheese's

Most administration officials retire into cushy lobbying jobs for missile makers or a spot on the board of Conglomo Corp. General Tommy Franks has joined the Board of Directors for Chuck E. Cheese's. I'm not sure if that's moving up or down in the world. Richard Frank, CEC CEO:

"General Franks' experience of managing operations and developing strategy will be invaluable to our board and company...General Franks' international background and relationships will complement our efforts to grow our business and increase shareholder value."

Running the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq are certainly interesting bullet points to have on one's resume, though I do wonder how they translate to running a pizza joint where some unfortunate shlup sweats it out in a rat costume for $7 an hour. I guess they figure if he survived Iraq he can handle their hellish franchise. Let's hope thousands of children don't die this time.

Civil Discourse

cross-posted at ACLU blog


My latest Civil Discourse comic tackles the government's "Terrorist Watch List" which has almost million names. Who's on it? Toddlers, dead people, congressmen, and Iraq War vets. You know, the people most likely to harm America. See the ACLU's watch list counter for more info.

Common names like "Robert Johnson" are listed without specific details. So far, 12 Robert Johnsons report being interrogated at airports. In an attempt to find the elusive John William Anderson they detained a six year old. Sometimes you really can be too careful.


The artist formerly known as Cat Stevens changed his name to Yusuf Islam. That's too Islam-y for the government so he's on the list as well. (He should change it to an unpronounceable symbol, like Prince did, just to mess with them). Were he to be allowed on a flight, the coach section could spontaneously break out into a rendition of "Peace Train." The airline industry is suffering enough. We don't need anyone reminding them of trains at this point--especially peaceful ones.

In Case You Were Worried

During an interview with Fox News on Sunday, Barack Obama reassured America, "I have worn flag pins in the past. I will wear flag pins in the future."

A Lost Opportunity

I understand the political realities of impeachment and whatnot. It's zilch.

Still.

I keep coming back to a question I've asked myself numerous times over the last few years: What--if anything--would George Bush have to do to warrant impeachment? And when future presidents look back on the resistance he faced, what will they try get away with?

Wednesday: Chuck E. Cheese!

BioFuel

I imagine this will be us--overpopulated with no food and turning our dead into biofuels to keep the cars going.

Mail Bag

David writes:

Your cartoon appearing in this week's Village Voice states that "North Korea executed nine people today for not wearing their Kim Il Sung lapel pins."

Aside from the issue of this cartoon not being particularly clever or humorous (flag pin genital piercings? please...), you might like to know that the name of the current dictator of North Korea is Kim Jong Il. Kim Il Sung died 14 years ago, so it wouldn't make much sense that people in North Korea would be punished for not wearing a lapel pin depicting a long-dead dictator, would it?

A 10-second Google search might have saved you some embarrassment.

David could use a 10-second Google search himself. You know, to save him some embarrassment. The New York Times reports:

In February, the New York Philharmonic performed in North Korea, a country where no official of any stature is seen without a lapel pin bearing the image of Great Leader Eternal President Kim Il-sung, long dead though he is.
(...)

In North Korea, the Eternal President pin is a symptom of a national cult of personality, just as Mao pins once were in China; hammer and sickle pins were sported by many officials in the old Soviet Union, where an ideology became a political monoculture.

David absolutely got me on the claim that nine people were executed for it "today." Nine people were not executed on the 23rd of April. I totally just made that number up! When I do further reporting on international flag pin issues in my comic, I'll be sure to double check my sources.

Event Reminder!

Friday, April 25th 2008 7:30 PM @ Powells on Burnside

Jen Sorensen and I will present a live slide show and reading of our comics and Jen will be signing copies of her new collection of cartoons, "SlowPoke: One Nation, Oh My God."

We'll be doing some live drawing as well, showing folks how we cartoonize McCain's numerous cheeks and Obama's massive smile.

Maybe I'll even draw a cat's asshole for you.

Cat Butt

Check out my drawing of a cat's anus for the local paper, Willamette Week. I can't stand cats, but was more than happy to render the puckered pink poop hole for them since it was about Portland's serious cat problem. My neighborhood has about a 1:1 cat to human ratio. So they asked local politicians how they feel about spaying and neutering.

Spaying and neutering is good first step. But what about the street cats already here? I fully back some sort of eradication program.

US Senate candidate David Lorea says: “Cats have a right to live and reproduce.… They do have a right to have fun. I don’t agree to neuter any living thing, you know?”

No, I don't know. I hope a feral cat poops on your mother, David.

Obama on Vaccines

from Matt Yglesias:

we've now got Barack Obama jumping on the McCain autism ignorance bandwagon: "We've seen just a skyrocketing autism rate. Some people are suspicious that it's connected to the vaccines. This person included. The science right now is inconclusive, but we have to research it."

Perhaps if the candidates had as many Science and Health advisers as they do military and foreign policy analysts, they'd know something about what the science actually says. (Jenny McCarthy would not be a good adviser). Talking with the few people I know who have had/are having kids kids recently, most are afraid of vaccines. Of course, I do live in Portland.

Flag Lapel Pin News

Wearing lapel pins is also a big issue in North Korea.

Friday: Soylent Green's other use

News of the Day

I love that Al Qaeda released a video insisting that they were responsible for the 9/11 attacks to combat the conspiracy theory that Israel was responsible. It's basically what happens in this Onion News clip. Must be frustrating for them.

And the New York Times did a profile on CNN's John King and his jumbotron election screen that he's been wielding lately because, well, the people demand to know about him and his excessively large TV. They could have just run this cartoon by August Pollak instead.

Targeted Torture Ads

The ACLU blog notes that the CIA is placing recruitment ads on the New York Times website pages with stories about Gitmo--even on a story about the upcoming Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. Nothing like a stoner flick that makes fun of racial profiling to inspire our next generation of CIA black site operators!

Meet the Elites

This comic pretty much records what happened last Sunday on Meet The Press. A bunch of millionaire political consultants who have spent their life trying to understand and manipulate public opinion for their personal gain met with Tim Russert to discuss whether Barack Obama was an out of touch elitist who doesn't understand regular people.

Wednesday: Flag Pins

comic

If Brian McFadden keeps pumping out gems like this, I will compete for his love on a VH1 dating show.

Flag Woman

TPM posted about the flag pin questioner from the ABC debate. She's a single issue voter and that issue is who is wearing their flag lapel pin. She was quoted recently in the NYT:

"How can I vote for a president who won't wear a flag pin?" Mrs. McCabe, a recently unemployed clerk typist, said in a booth at the Valley Dairy luncheonette in this quiet, small city in western Pennsylvania.

And this article talks more about her. Her husband's on disability. They're in debt. She's out of work and he is set to have brain surgery next week.

So she's a small town American that's unemployed, has become bitter and clings to flag pins as her defining issue--something that doesn't effect her life in any way. But hey, Obama is out of touch if he mentions that people are actually like this.

On paper, her stances make her as likely to support Obama as Clinton.

But she sees a difference between the two. In Clinton, she sees someone who has struggled for years, just like her, and has earned the right to be president.

hmm. The phrase "antipathy towards people who aren't like them" just popped into my head.

Panderin' In Pennsylvania

Bowling. Hunting. Praying. Farming. Shooting. Drinking.

In a break from what many Americans seem to desire in a President, I'd prefer mine to do none of the above.

Monday: Meet the Press Elites

Slideshow and Signing!

Friday, April 25th 2008 7:30 PM

On the eve of the Stumptown Comics Fest, Village Voice cartoonists Jen Sorensen and Matt Bors will be presenting a political cartoon extravaganza at Powell's City of Books on Burnside. The event is in celebration of Jen's new book, Slowpoke: One Nation, Oh My God!

One Nation, Oh My God! is the latest collection of Sorensen's cartoons, featuring 150 of her provocative strips along with artist commentary. This volume chronicles our country's descent into the twilight of democracy zone, tackling everything from the Antique Ideology Roadshow to the rise of virtual donuts. Of the collection, Tom Tomorrow says "Jen Sorensen is a maniacal genius."

Jen Sorensen is the creator of the comic "Slowpoke" which appears in the Village Voice and other altweeklies around the country. She has won several awards from the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies.

Matt Bors is the creator of the comic "Idiot Box" which appears in the Village Voice and other altweeklies around the country. He also draws the strip "Civil Discourse" for the ACLU, and "War is Boring" with war correspondent David Axe.

websites:
www.slowpokecomics.com
www.mattbors.com

Enough.

I have forced myself to watch every debate so far to catch any newsworthy items but tonight's was just too much. Did George Stephanopoulos really repeatedly press Obama to declare that he loves America more than Rev. Jeremiah Wright?

Why, yes. Yes he did.

And then they played a video of a woman asking Obama why he doesn't wear the flag pin more often.

I'm going to sleep now.

comics

This Rob Rogers cartoon mad me laugh. It's amusing to see the Democratic candidates touting their religion and love of weaponry more than the Republican.

(click here to view)

Rob Rogers Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Apr 15, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

This Lisa Benson cartoon, however, is a parody gone bad. It combines an Absolute Vodka ad and Obama's recent remarks about unemployed gun nuts.

Often we editorial cartoonists peg the news to a current movie or something and do a parody of it because it's easy and funny if done right. But what's the implication here? Obama's recent remarks about "bitter" small town Americans threatens to hand off half the country to Mexico? I don't get it. It couldn't possibly be that clumsy. I must be missing something so let me know in the comments.

(click here to view)

Lisa Benson Victor Valley Daily Press Apr 15, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Death and Taxes

I'd feel a lot better about the big check I just wrote the government if I thought I was getting my money's worth, instead of using the money to create an endless war that demands more of my taxes to pay off in the future. Oh, and it kills people. That's a bummer as well.

Friday: Panderin' in Pennsylvania!

Swift Justice

cross-posted at aclu blog.

On December 30, 2007, Guantanamo Bay detainee 942 (Abdul Razzak for those of you who refer to human beings by their name) became the first "unlawful enemy terrorizer" to die of natural causes. The rest are still alive and waiting to be charged. They may die from old age before that happens.

In the latest Civil Discourse comic I examine the possibilities that come with "indefinite detention." If the government continues to leave them in a legal limbo we're going to be holding a prison full of senior citizens!

But considering the fact that some of the youngest detainees were a mere 15 years old when they were captured, it's going to take a while.

The next president of the United States will be inaugurated by taking an oath of of office where he or she will pledge to uphold and protect the Constitution. If they mean a word of that oath, they'll move to immediately shut down the prison camp without so much as taking a pee break after the ceremony.

Free Trade!

I scored some contraband Cuban Coffee. The real deal--not those imitation beans. It's illegal! Because Cuban coffee beans try to spread communism.

Any chance the next president can lift that half century old embargo so those poor people can sell us some of this damn fine coffee?



To gain super powers, drink it out of your Too Much Coffee Man mug.

Investment Tips for the Meltdown

Can Congress reverse their decision to give us the "stimulus" checks? I mean, like everybody else I'm looking forward to going out to eat or buying a new CD or something. But does anyone think it's really going to do anything meaningful to the economy besides adding to the national debt? How do you spend your way out of something you spent our self into?

Our children will hate us.

Wednesday: Death and Taxes

The Beard Store!

I'm listening to Michael Savage while I draw and I just heard him say that anyone who votes for Obama "should be prevented from buying shoes! They should be given sandals and a one way ticket to the beard store!"

The beard store?

The beard store!

Human Rights

Americans concerned with China's treatment of Tibetans want George Bush, a Constitution flouting torturer and nation invader, to boycott the opening ceremony of the Olympics to make a statement about Human Rights. I'm confused.

I don't know what moral high ground our government could have. After all, we have imprisoned Chinese muslims in Gitmo without even bothering to charge them with a crime.

Since the torch passed through San Francisco this week, Nancy Pelosi called on him to boycott the opening. Maybe if she had some constituents in Guantanamo Bay she would have bothered to ask some questions when she was secretly briefed on our use of torture in 2002.

I can't take any of these people seriously.

Patraeus

I heard a clip from the Patraeus testimony where some guy stands up and starts yelling "bring them home!" over and over until he's taken out. Everyone started applauding as if to say "Thank You Capitol Hill Police! Now we can get back to sitting in this stuffy room where we were excitedly watching three politicians running for president carefully craft everything they say to a general who won't say much of anything!" And Lieberman. I love hearing his monotone voice drone on endlessly. Please, no further disruptions. And more charts! I demand more charts!

I love how in the sixth year of this war the only kind of protests that happen are from Code Pink members who wear tutus and Dr. Suess hats while painting their hands red. It gives me a lot of hope for the future of democracy.

The First Turd Awards: Heston Obits

Editorial Cartoonists usually take a day off when a celebrity dies because they know they can churn out a shitty obit cartoon and not think for the rest of the day. The formula for an obit cartoon is quite simple: Draw the celebrity at the Pearly Gates and have St. Peter saying their most famous line. Presto! You're an editorial cartoonist (wait--please don't become one. The profession is dying and we don't need any innovative competition at this point.)

Cagle has a roundup of many of the comics. Most predictably use the "cold, dead hands" thing. (Dan Piraro did it years ago). But I'm shocked by the amount of people who thought having Moses meet Heston in heaven was an idea worth being printed.

I hate to publicly make fun of my fellow cartoonists, but, well, they really deserve it.

Turds are awarded on a scale of one to four. Four being the turdiest.



Moses and Heston are BFFs in heaven. Heston has even taken to wearing a press-on beard so balding angels can't tell them apart. (There's balding in heaven? Thanks god!)

(click here to view)

John R. Rose Byrd Newspapers of Virginia Apr 9, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

This is the only Planet of the Apes reference I found. St. Peter decided to play a trick on Heston and donned an Ape mask! He then informs us that "Chuck's got a good sense of humor," which the artist must have put in there to let us know it was supposed to be funny.

(click here to view)

MStreeter Savannah Morning News Apr 8, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

If this came out Monday I'd be a bit more forgiving. But it took Randy Bish three days to think up this stinker. Four turds. You win!

(click here to view)

Randy Bish Tribune-Review Apr 9, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

-----------------

And one final note. I have to give a special award to Dean Turnbloom, who managed to do not one, but two Heston obit cartoons and not even draw Charlton Heston. I don't know if anyone's done anything like that before. One features Heston's open casket funeral and the second depicts his grave. Sometime between the funeral and the burial he must have switched guns---one shows a double-barreled and the other a regular rifle.

Civil Discourse Delayed

My second ACLU strip has been delayed to due to a web guy being on vacation or something. I'll post a link when it's up.

It would take care of the "hussein" thing...

Just think of all the voters who will vote for Mr. Pro-Life in Idaho simply due to reading his name in the voting booth. Why even campaign? Why research positions? It's the ultimate evolution of our election process!

And the sword goes to...

(click here to view)

Victor Harville Stephens Media Group Apr 7, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Unbelievable.

American Americans

I think we have the narratives for the general election pretty well sorted out at this point: Barack Obama is an empty suit who attends an angry angry black church and John McCain is a heroic warrior who will protect us from danger. McCain's latest ad and his campaign tour to "reintroduce" us to his story of Vietnam capture and heroism will only get more focused as we get closer to November--if that's even possible. Looks like we need at least one more election obsessing over what a candidate did in the 60s before America gets it out of its system.

sketches, originals

I did some sketches for my last comic so I figured I'd share them with you. I don't tend to sketch for the multi-panels, but for one panel comics where the composition is more important I'm likely to do one.

First, I did something real rough to run the idea by some people.

The only change I made was swapping their positions. Since we read from left to right you see the Muslim woman last which is what I wanted. Then I did something the same size that I draw my finals at on a piece of printer paper and transferred the sketch to bristol board using a light table.

And don't forget! I do sell my originals so if have a desire to own one shoot me an email. I finally put an e-mail link back on the blog--click the little letter graphic at the top of the blog.

Red Alert!

Charlton Heston is dead. And where there is death there is life. This will no doubt spawn a horde of obituary/pearly gate cartoons. Usually an obit cartoon has the deceased uttering their most famous line at St. Peter. Only with Heston there are three main lines they can play on: "Let my people go," "Damn dirty apes" and something about prying his rifle from his cold, dead hands. I predict we'll see all three used.

Any editorial cartoonist that depicts Heston meeting Moses in heaven should have their drawing hand chopped off.

Women's Lib

When mothers send their sons to war they dread them being killed in an IED attack or captured and beheaded by Islamic fanatics. Sending your daughter to war comes with a different set of worries: that she will be raped by her very own countrymen.

Citing Department of Defense stats Representative Jane Harman wrote a column in the Los Angeles Times this week on the matter:

At the heart of this crisis is an apparent inability or unwillingness to prosecute rapists in the ranks. According to DOD statistics, only 181 out of 2,212 subjects investigated for sexual assault in 2007, including 1,259 reports of rape, were referred to courts-martial, the equivalent of a criminal prosecution in the military. Another 218 were handled via nonpunitive administrative action or discharge, and 201 subjects were disciplined through "nonjudicial punishment," which means they may have been confined to quarters, assigned extra duty or received a similar slap on the wrist. In nearly half of the cases investigated, the chain of command took no action; more than a third of the time, that was because of "insufficient evidence."

It's well known, and even stated in the report, that most sexual assaults go unreported. In the military I'd fancy a guess it's at the higher end. The real numbers are probably staggering.

Bad Cartoons

According to this cartoon Barack Obama will be a senior citizen in just eight years, when he's 54.

I love the vomit color background in this one. It's pretty much the best thing going for it.

It's Not All Bad News

It looks like there will be at least a few jobs in the future. The Daily Cartoonist reported that Rob Tornoe has been hired as a staff cartoonist for Politicker.com.

TMCM Opera

Tonight I went to the press screening of the Too Much Coffee Man Opera: The Refill--it rocked. The second one really ramped up the craziness; a Martian, a Death Machine, a phone in a beehive hairdo! Check it out if you are in the Portland area in the next month.

Shannon let me in tonight because a scheduling conflict came up with the tickets I had for Saturday. If you live in Portland and don't have plans Saturday night, I have two tickets I'll give you a deal on. Shoot me an email: comics (at) mattbors --dot--com.

Supply Side Economics

This one might be a stinker. I was up against a deadline and it basically says the same thing as Monday's comic.

To mete out justice in the housing crises I have decided on appropriate punishments for those involved. I apportion 80% of the blame to the banks, 20% to irresponsible borrowers.

Predatory lenders will have their legs cut off and be forced to live like homeless vets for the rest of their lives. Irresponsible borrowers will be put in the stocks for a few days and have rotten vegetables thrown at them. Thanks for doing your part to devalue my savings, douche bags!

Oh, those in government who aided and abetted these reckless policies, especially Mr. Greenspan, must be pooped on.

Hamsterchutes!

Bob the Angry Flower has defeated Hamsterfall, having fought him twice before.

Print and Web Comics

On Friday a took part in a discussion about the future of comics with mostly people making comics for the web. Scott Kurtz, Rich Stevens, Dave Kellet, Ted Rall and some others took part and was part of Kurtz' weekly podcast. So if you are into this sort of thing, it's your chance to hear a bunch of pros meet up to hash out their differences.

It's a 2 hour conversation that is the result of a big debate that stretched over two comic news bogs--Fleen and Daily Cartoonist--and even resulted in a T shirt. Everyone is settling in during the first half hour and figuring out how to manage so many voices on the line at once, but after that I think it really turns into a good discussion.

The crux of the argument is: What is the future of comics? Web or print? There are two certainties: Print will continue to decline and the web will continue to grow. But what do the prospects look like on the web?

I manage to get out my concerns pretty clearly; putting comics on your site and making money through merchandising is not a problem at all--it's great and has been shown to make a few people a good living. A popular enough webcomic can generate income, provided the cartoonist is good at merchandising or making t shirts (have you seen mine?). But some of these guys think that's the model we are all supposed to look to and that the print model of paying for content is the laughable mindset of dinosaurs who don't realize their time is up. They're living proof you can do it.

The problem is most cartoonists can't do what they're doing--especially gag cartoonists and editorial cartoons. We rely on paying clients and need commercial websites to showcase our work and replace the magazines and newspapers that are declining. Relying on "exposure" to sell whatever goods you have doesn't work if your most important good is the comic itself. A few people acknowledged that this wouldn't work and basically said that some forms of cartooning will die. I would agree that editorial cartooning will probably be severely diminished in the future and never fully recover. Some of the best material out there is on the web, but a lot of people are just posting on their site, not making any money.

Print has shut out great talent for decades. It's always been limited by editorial constraints and space. Daily newspapers have failed to update their comics with the times--daily comics continue to be largely insipid garbage and legacy comics while most editorial cartoonists look like they walked out of 1960.

The talent on the web is undeniable but its promise of money won't work for everybody.