The Good News

I meant to post this last week when I saw it and here it's been sitting in Blogger as a "draft" this whole time. Anyway, here's what a positive news story looks like these days:

The Army last month stopped accepting felons and recent drug abusers into its ranks as the nation's economic downturn helped its recruiting, allowing it to reverse a decline in recruiting standards that had alarmed some officers.

...yay?

Illos

Some recent stuff for the OC Weekly. A twenty-something bully bullies a teen that was bullying his younger brother.

And a woman in traffic court encountered a maniacal Judge.

Whip It Good

There's an incredible lack of understanding about cartoons and illustrations in the media. No one seems to know the difference between illustrations and cartoons, what's drawn and what's photshopped, what's traced, what's swiped, what's satire and what's not. I think the infamous New Yorker fist bump cover by Barry Blitt was a good example of the first and last of those points. Now Blitt's under criticism again for his work.

O'Reilly calls a Blitt illustration accompanying Frank Rich's Sunday column a "cartoon" and an "atrocity" for depicting the Statue Of Liberty holding a whip. (Didn't people draw things like that years ago?) O'Reilly doesn't think torture is an outrage, just an illustration defiling a statue. Putting that incredible cognitive dissonance aside, O'Reilly doesn't seem to understand the basic concept of cartooning, illustration or even opinion for that matter. Blitt was only doing his job in illustrating Rich's concepts presented in the column. It wasn't a cartoon. It was also on the Op-Ed page where I thought opinion was warranted.

Another thing: Cartoonists--or illustrators in this case--are never mentioned by name. O'Reilly wouldn't cite an offending column in the Times without noting its author. Why no credit to Barry Blitt?

I give O'Reilly 5 loofas (out of 5) for this Pinheaded segment.

(via Comics Reporter)

Torture is a Vegetable

Lord Reagan signed a document that would be characterized as "liberal" by today's media. Three concise sentences in the UN Convention Against Torture demolish the arguments made in favor of torture in the last eight years. I wish people could read.

Article 2
1. Each State Party shall take effective legislative, administrative, judicial or other measures to prevent acts of torture in any territory under its jurisdiction.
2. No exceptional circumstances whatsoever, whether a state of war or a threat or war, internal political instability or any other public emergency, may be invoked as a justification of torture.
3. An order from a superior officer or a public authority may not be invoked as a justification of torture.

Not bad for a guy that funded death squads.

Related: Tom Tomorrow, Ted Rall and Lloyd Dangle are also on the torture beat this week.

Photoshopped Ayatollah

Another dangerous figure has been incarcerated in beard jail. Kevin Moore posts his own Photoshopped Ayatollah, riffing on my post from yesterday.

If there's anyone you know who needs a stint in the beard house, I'd encourage you to make one and send it it. It only takes a few minutes.

Cartoon Battle

A poll over at the Comics Riff blog caught my eye. It features a number of caricatures of foreign leaders and asks "which cartoonist drew your favorite?" Amazingly, the current winner is a cartoon by John Sherffius featuring Ayatollah Khomeini. He's been dead for twenty years, but I suppose his ghost ordered the Iranian government to imprison that poor journalist in his beard.

I'd hate to be jailed in a beard.

Good caricature, huh? Sherffius can draw with the best of them but when he uses Photoshop he really nails the likeness for some reason.

I wanted to see how fast I could replicate this master so I hit up Google image search and grabbed the first result. Then I opened it in Photoshop and applied the Threshold adjustment. Putting the levels at 128 seemed right. Next, I made his eyes appear like they were looking forward and extended his villainous black cloak a bit.

I added Elvis in the weird jail beard because those crazy Iranians hate that hip-shaking troublemaker and all the swooning the ladies do over him.

5 exhausting minutes later I was all done.

Which one of these cartoons is a better caricature? Whose use of Threshold captured the face better? Please vote in my comments section.

Go Dystopian!

During the Bush years it was a daily struggle deciding if policies were more "Orwellian" or "Kafka-esque." Heated debates would divide the literate. Now conservatives need their own author of nightmares to characterize the Obama years and I'd like to suggest the term "Burgessian." I finished reading "The Wanting Seed" by Anthony Burgess this weekend and it's bound to frighten conservatives. Sales for this novel could soon be skyrocketing along with "Atlas Shrugged."

Imagine reading a book that describes a wildly overpopulated planet where government bureaucrats run everything and enact the following:

• One child policy enforced by federal agency with thuggish officers
  
• Strict food rationing
• Encouraging of homosexual relationships ("It's Sapien to be homo")
• Affirmative action and other preferential treatment for those who choose homo lifestyle.
  
• Family is not the center of society (it's discouraged and considered criminally selfish)
• War has been abolished
• Religion has been abolished
• Other stuff I'm forgetting
  

If you just thought to yourself "OMG! THAT'S ALL COMING TRUE!" then this book is for you!

Seriously guys, time to dump Ayn Rand and get a dystopian novel to rally around. You can't really be an opposition unless you have slogans from a poli-sci-fi book to put on your protest placards. That way you can walk around for eight years marveling at how "this is just like The Wanting Seed!"

You'll also want to not pay attention to the last 2/3 of the book to see what happens when this crazy government collapses. (Imagine Afghanistan run by Catholics where restaurants serve human flesh.)

A Nation Of (Out)Laws

The CIA and members of the executive branch are either subject to the laws of this nation or they are not. And, if the history of those respectable institutions are any indication, they are not.

The media debate around this is puzzling. It's nice to see more people calling torture by its name, but everyone is characterizing this in terms of the right and left. I had no idea the Constitution, Geneva Conventions, Nuremberg Principles, The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, The Uniform Code of Military Justice and the UN Convention Against Torture were conceived to satisfy "the left." The fact that torture cannot be talked about outside of the left/right paradigm says something about our political culture.

We need to follow this through to the end to reestablish the fact that we are a nation of laws. If we don't, then we aren't. And we aren't. So we won't.

Related: Cartoons about Obama and torture are here, here and here. Also, I made an argument against the "move forward" mantra in the carton "Zen Justice" a few months ago.

Caricatures

Torture TV

Shep is in the motherfucking house!

Man, these torture memos are creating some good TV. Ari Fleischer went head to giant forehead with Paul Begala the other night and lost miserably trying to defend brutal torture tactics. At one point there's a rare moment of cable news silence for about 5 seconds when Ari has no response to Begala.

Here's the kind of things you have to train yourself to say with a straight face to defend torture at this late stage. When asked why the CIA would destroy tapes of torture if there was nothing illegal in them, Ari says this:

The CIA destroys a lot of things. They typically like to destroy as much things as they can. That's a matter of procedure at the CIA not only on this but on a host of evidentiary things.

No need to worry! They burn everything!

Not A Great Time To Be Gay In Iraq

This is sickening.

But as noted in the comments may not be real. I'm always glad if Wu Tang Torture Skit scenarios turn out that way.

America Under Occupation

We have 50 billion soldiers stationed in 4,000 countries and nobody bats an eyelid. If a Mexican police officer chased a drug dealer over a cattle fence into our country, Lou Dobbs would call for war. We impose all manner of things on other countries that we would never accept.

To Your Health!

I mentioned before that Camel always sends my girlfriend coupons because she bought a pack with a debit card once. (They have access to the Matrix apparently.) She had a birthday recently so Camel sent her a card and some more coupons.

Happy Birthday! Keep smoking so you have less of them!

Luckily I work from home and can seize all this material before she gets off work. Now it's in the shredder. Is that a Federal Crime? I say we should be looking forward and not backward.

Torture: The Song

Rock Cookie Bottom puts the torture memos to music.

Stumptown

I picked up some books at the Stumptown comics convention this weekend and wanted to plug two of them.

Erica Moen has released a collection of her comic "Dar," a hilarious webcomic that you really should be reading. It's an auto-bio strip that often focuses on her sex life, farts, queefs and other important matters. (If that doesn't sound interesting to you then we can't be friends.)

Also, CWA colleague Kevin Moore released a collection of his political cartoons, "Hope, Change and All That Crap" featuring strips from the last few years. I gave Kevin a quote for the book: "Moore has a lethal trifecta of talent many editorial cartoonists lack: humor, drawing chops and a brain." His comics focus more on politics than queefing, which is an area I'd like to see him delve into.

Columbine

Being in high school at the time of the Columbine shootings was interesting in that I got to see the before and after effects first hand. During my Freshman year the security was so lax you could literally light up joints a few yards from the building with nary a concern. My Senior year school resembled a police state similar to Orwell's "1984" which we were reading in English class. Looking back, it was as if every Principal overreacted like Bush did after 9/11, implementing "security policies" that didn't make anyone safer.

Almost overnight there were metal detectors, random locker searches with drug dogs, cameras covering every inch of terrain and armed police officers stationed in the lunch room. Stasi-like hallmonitors demanded to see your papers--in this case, the wooden block labeled "Boys" that permitted you to go pee pee. The most pointless and frustrating policy at the time were the ID tags we were forced to wear. Every student had to wear a lanyard around his or her neck with an ID tag on it. Even in a classroom, where a teacher could be reasonably sure you were in fact the same person you were yesterday, the lanyard had to be on at all times or you would be written up. I really cannot stress how strict they were about this policy.

We wondered what purpose the ID tags served, seeing as how students walking through the front door with guns blazing would probably not be subject to scrutiny on the matter.

Susan Boyle

Susan Boyle sang well, which was astonishing to many people.

The Difference

The Tea Parties are going on today and the coverage they are getting is extraordinary.

I remember protesting the Iraq War in 2003 before the invasion. I was in Washington, DC and had never seen so many people in one place before. Protests against our insane government were occurring all over the planet on that day--in some overseas cities a million people showed up.

There wasn't a single network promoting these events around the clock. In fact, I can't recall a single cable news host that was even sympathetic in those days--except Phil Donahue, whose show was canceled despite being the top rated program on MSNBC. There was no major funding and promotion from interest groups in Washington. There wasn't very much support from the Democratic Party, many of whom supported that bloody debacle.

If that many people descended on Washington today for a Tea Party Protest, conservative lawmakers would be trampling each other to get in front of the crowds and cameras.

I think Dennis Kucinich showed up at the one I was at.

GOLD!

Talk radio ads for gold amuse me. Everyone from Rachel Maddow to Michael Savage love the shiny substance. Gold is a stable investment that rises in value when times are turbulent. But listening to talk radio ads, you'd think it was the fastest way to obscene riches. Every host has their own degree of enthusiasm when it comes to their pitch, with most tending toward hoping society collapses so their coins will earn them more squirrel meat in the post-apocalyptic farmer's market.

The Bow

You may be aware of the little (or big, depending on your perspective) controversy over Obama bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia.

Most everyone on the left chose to ignore our President bowing to a theocratic oppressor because the right-wing made a huge issue of of it and, well, that means we can't. That binary mentality is understandable. (After all, who wants lumped in with Glenn Beck?) What I don't understand, however, is people with functioning eyeballs denying the bow took place at all.

Juan Cole, writing over at Salon, nails the right for all their insanity lately. Of the bow, he says: "The outrage began when Obama greeted Saudi King Abdullah by leaning into a double-handed handshake." It was quite a lean--what kind of handshake does Juan Cole give?

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, consciously lying, said he bent to "shake with both hands" even though he only used one. Donna Brazile said on CNN that it may have actually been "a nod." I guess Obama nods by bending the top half of his body 90˚.

Look, I assume The Bow was a mistake and won't happen again. But it's sad and pathetic to see intelligent people stoop to such rancid dishonesty to bat back a right-wing attack. Obama bowed. Clearly. This kind of denial of reality that is two inches from your face is how the despicable Bush apologists started.

Downward Facing Dog

CWA members are waging war on Doga--the obnoxious Yoga fad in which people force their dogs to partake in the Eastern exercise. Jen Sorensen did a cartoon on the subject, while Ted Rall offers a column in which, in his typical understated fashion, he suggests shooting those involved .

Deliver Us From Cynics?

I've found a quote that is the antithesis of my approach to life and cartooning. In a Good Friday message, Joe Ratzinger said: "May we never question or mock serious things in life like a cynic."

May we always do that.

A. Camera. Crying.

From Steve Benson.

Inspiring, no?

Tea Party

A few years ago, the supposed threat of gay marriage was one of the decisive factors in the presidential election. Today, as more states allow it, it seems less an issue. The Right has Obama now.

The "tea parties" taking place around the country this week will protest the fact that conservatives have to pay taxes under a Democratic administration, along with a host of conspiracy theories about George Soros and Obama being a foreigner.

Tea bagging of another sort is still all-consuming to some on the Right. Talk show host Dennis Prager said this on CNN's Reliable Sources this Sunday: "I don't think that the press covers always what's most important because, honestly, whatever side you're on, I can't think, frankly, of a more important issue, even including the economy, then the definition of marriage."

You got that? We can all lose our jobs, but as long as queers aren't allowed to file joint tax returns Dennis Prager thinks the country is succeeding.

Quote of the Week

Kanye West: "I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM."

Update: In light of this video, I revoke Mr. West's winning status and give it to Glenn Beck for saying, "President Obama, why don't you just set us on fire?"

Modern American Literature

This concludes a full week of comics. If you liked what you read, consider tossing some change in the tip jar. And of course, you can follow me on Twitter @MattBors

Rainbow Coalition? For Reals?!

I'm having trouble believing this new anti-gay rights ad is real, but it appears to be. Maybe I'm riding high on the success of gay marriage in Vermont and the corn state, but this ad doesn't seem like it will be effective in frightening enough people. Gathering storm? We're in a global depression and people are going on mass murder sprees every week!

Civil Discourse

My latest comic for the ACLU.

Background information here.

PCLD

I hope you are not suffering from this debilitating illness. It's infectious.

The Right--well, it's hardly worth noting they are not consistent. Let's just say the way they have been acting is very interesting considering the "Bush Derangement Syndrome" they once talked about. They wait until after the guy who favored the Unitary Executive Theory leaves office to worry about dictatorship.

The Left--where is it? You barely hear a peep out of liberals who would be crowing if creepy McCain did some of the same things Obama is pulling--defending state secrets, keeping Bagram open, etc. Even many political cartoonists, who love to tout themselves as fearlessly uncompromising, seem to be pulling their punches.

My favorite sufferer of PCLD is the liberal talker Randi Rhodes (currently off the air). She's an Obama apologist of the highest order. Any illegality or transgression against progressive values can be explained away or shoehorned into some grand liberal strategy she believes he's hatching.

Measured Information

From the official website of the DPRK:

The satellite is going round on its routine orbit. It is sending to the earth the melodies of the immortal revolutionary paeans "Song of General Kim Il Sung" and "Song of General Kim Jong Il" and measured information at 470 MHz.

Okey-Dokey, Kim!

War Is Boring

I recently finished the first chapter of War Is Boring, a graphic novel I'm working on with David Axe set to be published next year. This scene takes place in Iraq. I'm plugging away at the next chapter now, set in Lebanon right after the 2006 war with Israel.

Sign Wars

This comic ran in The Oregonian on Sunday and deals with local topics so it won't be relevant to most of you. However, here's some background if you are interested: The battle to rename a street--any street at this point--"Cesar Chavez Boulevard" has been raging for years in Portland with no end in sight. A ton of money has been wasted on consultants and a lot of ill will has developed between the sparring factions.

Another sign in dispute is the large "Made In Oregon" sign visible from the riverfront. It has changed names over the years to reflect whatever its private business owners want on it and the new owners, The University of Portland, want theirs to adorn it. Many Portlanders were outraged to learn they don't control this sign, so City Commissioner Randy Leonard has moved to condemn and seize it for them. The justification? Leonard says that if it is private a pornographer could buy the sign and put "Porno Palace" on it.

Executioners Anonymous

In keeping with the medieval nature of the death penalty, the executioners in American prisons still remain hooded.

Four people who have volunteered to administer lethal injections to death-row inmates at the Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla quit their positions this week, apparently worried that their identities could become public as a result of an ongoing court case to decide whether lethal injection constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.

What--aren't they proud of what they do? And what sort of psychological issues does one have to have to volunteer for such work?

CEO Janitors

I remember when I got suspended from school once and thought it was the best punishment ever. I went home, watched cartoons and drank juice boxes! That's kind of what happened to the CEO of GM--except he never has to go back. And he's filthy rich.

Imagine not having to work for the rest of your life and your only responsibility is figuring out how on Earth you are going to spend $20 million. Americans have a term for this: Winning the lottery.

There's been a debate over whether or not it's appropriate for the president to fire the heads of private companies receiving bailout money. Conservatives think it's an outrageous abuse of power and that the president really should stay within the reasonable boundaries of ripping out the fingernails of suspected terrorists with pliers.

Update: I should have added a link to the previous CEO/Janitor comics (part one and two) from a few years back. It's a theme I will probably visit again given the equitable wages and such in corporate America.

Kids These Days!

Ponari is a nine-year-old boy in Indonesia with so-called healing powers. He (allegedly) survived a lightning strike and awoke with a stone in his hand, which obviously contains healing powers. Now people flock from all over (and pay him money, of course) to be blessed by the rock.

One big problem is that people have died in the mobs that swarm him for help so you have to wonder about his net effect.

Ponari may have god-like healing powers, but he's a disrespectful little runt just like western kids. Just look at this photo. Impoverished disease-ridden travelers gather to touch his special healing rock, forking over money they scraped together for the pilgrimage and what is Ponari doing with the other hand? Texting his buddies on his new cell phone!

Sunday Turd

Editorial cartoonists love an easy movie parody and a chance to draw a tear after a tragedy. This is perhaps the worst I've seen in a while.

(click here to view)

MStreeter Savannah Morning News Apr 5, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

I'm trying to imagine a reader reaction to this one. "Oh my, how poignant! A movie called 'Monster Vs. Aliens' is released at the same that someone slaughters immigrants!"

The tear really amps up the maudlin factor on this one and perfectly illustrates the random forced combination of unrelated news stories cartoonists often attempt. In other words, the thought process works like this: "Hey, it's Friday--let's combine things!" It's what Sean Delonas did with the infamous monkey cartoon and why so many people look at editorial cartoons and laugh in the wrong way.

Chinese Goods

Manufacturing jobs may return faster than everyone thinks.

Next week: More comics than you can shake a stick at! (if you are for some reason unable to shake a stick at five comics.)

Original Art!

Want to own one of my originals? All of my cartoons are available for purchase to discerning collectors and fans of fine taste. All pieces are hand-lettered and have the bonus feature of misspelled words that were corrected for publication. See a comic you love? Shoot me an e-mail for details.

Prints are also available.

Tea Party

Are people really talking about Michelle Obama touching the Queen of England? Yes. Apparently, the Queen is such a supreme being she must not be touched by the peasants of the land or the wives of leaders who are actually elected. I think the pope has a similar rule. It's not OK to touch the man unless you are bowing down and kissing his hand or something.

Hearing about all the protocols one must follow when you are in the presence of those old coots really gets my blood boiling. Makes me want to grab a flag and start singing "I'm Proud to be an American" while gun nuts blast assault rifles at the sky. It's hard to understand why people would want to keep the so-called Royal Family around, even as a tradition. Is it the tradition of being ruled over that excites them so?

To me, the queen and the pope are average citizens masquerading around as powerful figures hoping the spell and historical weight of their titles doesn't wear off. Strip away their bizarre outfits and annoying rules that elevate their existence beyond that of the average Earthling and you'd have Liz Mary and Joe Ratzinger, unremarkable wrinkly people playing checkers in a retirement home.

Agrarian Revolution

Michelle Obama is starting a vegetable garden on the White House Lawn. Good. I support anything to reduce the endless expanses of useless neon green grass in this country.

I like how she was digging in a designer outfit. The first time she covers her arms in months is when she does manual labor.

This is probably confirmation to conservatives that Michelle is a radical back-to-the-Earth hippie/Marxist. Who trusts food from the ground anyway? It's got dirt on it. I've already seen Tucker Carlson bitching and moaning about her promoting a healthy diet. Nanny State!


There will be a third comic on Friday