Awkward Reunion

Fired Up...

The right would like you to know that the passage of the health care bill signaled the End Of Freedom and the Beginning Of Armageddon. It's time to revolt against Obama, destroy Democrats, take back the country, rise up, slit the throat of fascism and blow up some buildings... legally and peacefully, of course!

Illustration Friday

A woman at the gym is more concerned with socializing than working out...


and a woman in a wheelchair goes on a tear.

Today in stunning stupidity

Sen. Judd Gregg apparently has a bridge in Brooklyn he would like to purchase from himself.

You Shall Know Them by Their Suits

There seems to be no end to the revelations of how widespread child abuse is in the Catholic Church and how far the leadership has gone to shelter rapists. At some point being a religious organization took a back seat to their main purpose today: overseeing an international pedophile ring.

In his latest Slate column Christopher Hitchens excoriates the Catholic Church in typical fashion, saying those high up in the pedophile ring should be brought to justice.

I don't think the full implications of this have even begun to sink in. The supreme leader of the Roman Catholic Church is now a prima facie suspect in a criminal enterprise of the most appalling sort—and in the attempt to obstruct justice that has been part and parcel of that enterprise. He is also the political head of a state—the Vatican—that has given asylum to wanted men like the disgraced Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston.

Of course, Louis CK discovered the true purpose of the church a few years ago.

Poetry War

Mistaking me for the poetry editor of National Review, wordsmith Kelly sends in the following:

two words

corpse men

two more words

Joe Biden

one more word, an apostrophe, and a number

Gingrich '12

hecannothecannothecannotswingbatter!

Two more words: Mailbag Douchebag

Un-Colonial

Obama and the DOJ have been walking back their commitments on Gitmo and detention since day one. Whether it's detention policies, health care or the weather itself, all the fear-mongering from the right usually pays off in the form of huge concessions from Democrats for no discernible reason.

I hadn't bothered to check out the website for Liz Cheney's smear group until I started to put this strip together, but I'm sure glad I did. Where else can one find a "Detainee Spotlight" to give you stats on a rotating roster of scary bearded men?

Wednesday: Pope stuff

Biketopia

Here's a local comic I did for The Oregonian that will make no sense to you.

SWF

Jihadi Jane has thrown a wrench in our racist conception of what a terrorist looks like. White women are the new threat and as a cartoonist - their favorite target -I'm particularly worried. I'm a single guy in white-ass Portland so I'm going to start being extra careful around the ladies. Cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad rile up jihadists more than carpet bombing a village of innocents. They never let it go. I haven't forgotten this e-mail.

If you enjoy the third cartoon for the week and have some spare change, throw it in the tip jar on the right. I'm trying to make them happen as often as time and inspiration and money allow.

Monday: Keep Boston Safe!

Illustration Friday

Here are some caricatures I drew recently. The Dark One...


and Mitch McConnell

Immortality Update

Putting my e-mail address at the bottom of my Glenn Beck cartoon has prompted more readers than usual to write in with both positive and negative reactions, but so far no dice on the life-extension technology.

Census Crazy

I filled out my 2010 census form yesterday. It took all of two minutes, but I noticed a peculiar phrase at the beginning. The form said I should "count all people, including babies..."

Including babies? What sort of person wouldn't already think of a baby as a unique person worthy of counting? Who but a communist would need that clarified for them - or feel the need to clarify it to to others? DO WE NOT COUNT THE FETUS?!

Conservatives believe all sorts of nonsense about the census and, not surprisingly, oppose filling out the race portion of the form for fear of... I don't know, a non-white or a non-missile getting a Federal penny? Beck bizarrely posits, "they are asking the race question to try to increase slavery" and many conservatives will be writing in "American" for their race. (Upon informing my brother of this, he replied, "That sounds like a race of assholes.")

Now I know Beck doesn't literally believe people have been alive since 1790, but since the things he believes about the census are almost as absurd I decided to run with it for the sake of a joke. Also, this comic is merely an illustrated version of a blog post I did last week, then took down, so to make up for that I will have another cartoon this Friday on Jihadi Jane.

America's Book

Karl Rove's book topped Amazon's bestseller list, unseating "Rework," whose authors (or publisher, most likely) responded with a brilliant Rovian attack ad.

Two Turds for Tuesday

Time for turds.

(click here to view)

Gordon Campbell Freelance Mar 16, 2010 EditorialCartoonists.com

Warning: You are in Turdland! A place where large mounds of Photoshop doodie fertilize the Kalashnikov Cacti.

(click here to view)

Douglas MacGregor The News-Press Mar 16, 2010 EditorialCartoonists.com

Douglas MacGregor should probably take his own advice and stop filling out March Madness brackets on the job. That way, he'll have more than five minutes to photoshop the same plane all over his comic.

Pedophiles grossed out by lesbians

The Catholic Church, the most prolific pedophile ring in history - even establishing its own city, has recently booted toddlers out of one of its schools for having parents that apparently love each other, but also happen to have vaginas. This kind of discrimination, by a prolific pedophile ring no less, should probably be illegal. But so should pedophile rings. I'm outraged by the story while also pleased that the chances of these two children being molested by pedophiles has now been significantly reduced.

This story comes as news that the pedophile ring's current leader, Joe Ratzinger, didn't blink when a known pedophile was placed under him in a position where he could rape more children and rob them of their innocence, which, of course, he did.

Wednesday: Glenn Beck. He's crazy.

That's a lot of Trouble

Congrats to Lloyd Dangle on his 1,000th Troubletown strip. Bors Blog salutes you!

Illustration Friday

A woman goes on a tear with her stroller - one she's using as a shopping cart.


And an illustration for the ACLU on military vs. civilian trials for alleged terrorists.

Karl's Courage

Karl Rove's memoir was released this week, amazingly titled "Courage and Consequence." In it he humbly fesses up to his biggest blunder: not smearing people who pointed out their lies hard enough. Given that opponents of the war were at one time considered Saddam-fellating Benedict Arnolds by mainstream media commentators, I'm not quite sure what he thinks should have been done.

Fired Up. Ready To Knock.

Watch out health insurance companies: Obama's rolling up his shirt sleeves and raising his voice in speeches! Whoever said passing laws was about back room deals, bribes and ideological trench warfare apparently has never listened to a rousing speech by our president. He has the solution for passing the bill: get active!

"I'm kind of fired up," Obama said at the beginning of his remarks, a variation on his oft-stated 2008 refrain, "Fired up. Ready to go." And he included an appeal to his audience – many of whom were students – to help in the same ways they might in a campaign. "So I need you to knock on doors. Talk to your neighbors. Pick up the phone," he urged them.

OK. I'm picking up my phone. It's picked - I'm holding it in my hand right now! Should I send a mass text urging everyone in my contacts to support passage of the bill? Should I call my grandma? (It's been too long and I wonder if she's figured out how to pronounce your name yet.)

Should I knock on my neighbor's door and gab her ears off about health care reform? She really loves when I wonk out and demand that she call or write her representative immediately. Makes her want to hang out with me more.

I understand the problem now. It's not Republican obstruction, Democratic weakness, the undemocratic Senate or the fact that corporate interests control both parties. It's me. I haven't been knocking on enough doors this past year.

But I'll do it for health care. Because after all, I still don't have any. I'll even write a joke to help persuade the nation. Print it out and leaflet your neighborhood. DO IT.

------

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Health care reform.
Health care reform wh-- hold on, my phone is ringing. Hello? Yes, health care reform, I know. Some asshole is at my door right now telling me about it. I've got people knocking, neighbors coming by, motherfuckers blowing up my phone. I joined a Facebook group about health care reform getting more fans than Nickleback. Guess what? I already support health care reform. Yup, I'm all aboard. Even that shitty thing Obama calls reform will do at this point. So stop bothering me and pass the damn thing so Rush Limbaugh will move out of the fucking country, which is where I might be going to get some health care if you keep this up.

Asay: Students should have M-16s

Great analogy, Chuck. That's exactly what college is like.

(click here to view)

Chuck Asay Creators Syndicate Inc. Mar 8, 2010 EditorialCartoonists.com

Shot

Starbucks is now allowing customers to pack heat while they wait for their foamed poopalotta. It's not something I get worked up over one way or the other, but open-carry advocates are really into the idea of letting everyone in every possible location know they have a gun. Probably due to micropenis.

Wednesday: Rove's Mea Culpa

Illustration Friday

A guy really likes talking about his personal relationship with God.

Unreal

The earth completed another rotation on its axis, so that means Obama must have sissified, scaled back, or completely shit on another campaign pledge. Sure enough, a big dump is in the works:

President Obama's advisers are nearing a recommendation that Khalid Sheik Mohammed, the self-proclaimed mastermind of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, be prosecuted in a military tribunal, administration officials said, a step that would reverse Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr.'s plan to try him in civilian court in New York City.

Burtonomics

I've been waiting a long time to draw this one.

D) None Of The Above

An e-mail arrived Monday morning about a reprint. Could a college group organizing a debate about the existence of god use this cartoon on their flyer? No big deal and no money involved for a handful of flyers so I granted permission, pointing out that the work was not to be altered or appear out of context. Good luck convincing everyone to be rational, fellow traveler!

They replied, appreciating my prompt response, but wanted to run a slight alteration by me. Could they use it this way?

Oh hey, yeah! Turn my explicitly atheist comic into second-rate Jack Chick tract for a Jesus meeting – no biggie!


Permission not granted.

To You I Present The Following Sentence

Rolling Stone: "Lady Gaga arrives with a rhinestone encrusted crustacean on her face..."

Yay for bipartisanship!

Who says Washington is in gridlock? Today Obama went back on yet another campaign pledge by extending The Patriot Act for a year, a bill he said gave the government "powers it didn't need to invade our privacy without cause or suspicion" back in 2005. The House voted 315 to 97 in favor of the extension. No summit needed!

Sure, during campaign years Democrats will make noises about these police state excesses of the Bush era, but in reality everyone is pretty much on board. After all, a guy did melt his genitals with an underwear bomb recently. What's Dick Cheney keep giving himself heart attacks over?

I expect a lot of rationalizations from Obama's beleaguered fan base (hands tied, takes time, yadda yadda) that you wouldn't hear if that dumb ass dry drunk decider from Texas did the same thing.