2010

I was going to write about how bad this decade was but everyone still living has already done that. I've drawn almost 700 editorial cartoons about the outrages and silliness that went on this decade, so I suppose I'll let those speak for me.

This year has without a doubt been the best and worst of my life. I won't get into the details, but the bad things opened the door for the good things, as often happens. I feel the urge to move on but think the New Year feeling of rejuvenation will be delayed a little bit for me.

I'm in the home stretch of my first graphic novel, War Is Boring, and am working around the clock to meet the deadline in early February. I've never slept less. God bless the coffee and music that motivates me. I won't be able to truly relax or get to the many things I have planned for 2010 until then.

So next year looks promising and I have a long "To Do" list for both my personal and professional lives. I'll have one book out, be working on two others, and trying to lay plans that ensure when the tens end there will be at least 700 more editorial cartoons bearing my signature.

I'm also planning on having more fun in my life. Which is why I'm buying a banjo.

TSA

Happy New Year.

Who's more incompetent: The TSA or the Al Qaeda graduates who can't seem to build bombs that go boom? Unlike everyone who is freaking out over the recent failed terrorist attack, I don't think we need full body scans and even more intrusive safety measures. The airlines are incredibly safe--we should all be nervous about driving or walking on sidewalks on New Year's Eve. Janet Napolitano, save us from the drunks!

You can't get firearms and big bombs on planes--hence the annoying shoe stuff. The 9/11 plot worked once, but I pity the fool who tries to take over a plane with a box cutter these days.

And as we joke about the underwear bomber, let's not forget about my predictions regarding butt bombing.

Mission Accomplished

You get what you pay for. If you're an insurance industry lobbyist, that is.

Links

Comics!

• Rall on newspapers
• McFadden on the headlines of tomorrow
• Tomorrow on the headlines of past, part one and two
• Wheeler on the head trips of the past, present and future.
  

And at warisboring.com, David Axe presents an interesting take on the worries about Afghan soldiers being stoned all the time. He doesn't seem to think it's a big problem. "Afghan soldiers smoking pot is nationalism," he says. "Everyone in Afghanistan smokes the reefer...it's a national pastime."

How'd we get stuck with baseball?

Comics Journal Discussion

The long discussion between Ted Rall and I on the state of editorial cartooning is back online at The Comics journal website. Go Read.

The Ministry of Plenty (of Excuses)

Detroit is starting to resemble a post-apocalyptic wasteland while Obama touts his job creation.

Merry Christmas

Everything In Moderation

Especially moderation.

No Brainer

A comic running today in The Oregonian.

Every winter, climbers get lost or stranded on Mt. Hood and freeze to death and the topic of locator beacons is discussed. It happened again this week. But many in the climbing community oppose locators for various reasons that seem absurd. Steve Duin wrote a column earlier in the week talking more about their arguments, if you are interested.

A PMR volunteer tweeted me today: "The Oregonian's on a crusade against Portland Mountain Rescue. Yet if Matt Bors ever needs rescuing, we'll go."

Just follow the signal from my locator beacon.

You don't need a weatherman...

Pundit extraordinaire Bill Kristol with the most well-reasoned argument to date for stopping health care reform.

There's a really big snowstorm coming to D.C.tonight. It would be unsafe to ask all the staffers and Hill employees who'd be needed at the Capitol if Congress stays open all hours this weekend, as Harry Reid intends, to drive to and from work--especially since many will have to do so at night, and they won't be well-rested. So from the point of view of public safety and personal well-being, Ben Nelson can do everyone a favor, announce today he won't vote for cloture, and let everyone stay home this weekend.

On the bright side, Bill Kristol has acknowledged the existence of public safety.

Adding: Speaking "from the point of view of public safety and personal well-being" could we pass some fucking health care reform that doesn't have the life sucked out of it by Joe Lieberman's jowls?

Make Believe

(click here to view)

Chuck Asay Creators Syndicate Inc. Dec 17, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

My rebuttal.

Avengers In Copenhagen part 3

The final installment to his week's three-part comic. Looks like a "scandal" is fueling Galactus skeptics...

You can only fail to save the Earth once. After that, you are Galactus poop.

Illustration Friday

A little shit on a flight thought it would be great fun to scare everyone about crashing and dying.


Birthday request from the little neighbor girl: "Draw Spongebob pooping on Plankton's face!"

Me: "OK. Do you prefer solid poop or runny?"

Her: "Hmm...solid!"

Turd Of The Day

There's phoning it in and then there's phoning it in.

(click here to view)

Bob Gorrell Creators Syndicate Inc. Dec 17, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Thought Of The Day

You never want the quality of your tap water described as "legal, but..."

In The News

Neon Tommy, the online news site for the Annenberg School of Journalism, has an article on the state of editorial cartooning for which I was interviewed.

Avengers In Copenhagen part 2

Check back Friday for the exciting conclusion!

Holy Hipster!

Back when making fun of hipsters was merely popular and not yet a full-blown internet phenomenon worthy of a book deal, I made some comics about the obnoxious urbanites. Here is a panel from one drawn in 2004.

The notation at the bottom reads: "This human being was really seen." Well, today I was wasting time on Look At This Fucking Hipster and ran into the very same fella who seems to have hit the big time in hipster recognition. Still rockin' the mustache I see!

I feel I should apologize for drawing your attention to this photo.

Honest Babe

Put this woman on a postage stamp.

TIME's Top Ten Editorial Cartoons of 2009

I've hyperlinked the period at the end of this sentence if you really want to look.

Avengers Assemble!

This is the first in a three part comic. Check back Wednesday and Friday to see if the Avengers can save the planet from imminent destruction!

Why are we still talking to these people?

Sunday's Meet The Press panel on the economy: Mitt Romney, Alan Greenspan, Jim Kramer and Governor Jennifer Granholm of Michigan. That's three free market fundamentalists who favored all the conditions that lead to this mess.

Um...A?

(click here to view)

Chuck Asay Creators Syndicate Inc. Dec 13, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Bowing To Santa: Satire or Racist?

The New Yorker done did it again. One can never forget their controversial cover last year depicting Barack Obama as a Muslim and Michelle as a militant radical. Many liberals insisted it was racist, clumsy, or dangerous for The New Yorker to publish such an image--toothless racists in Kentucky could pin it up in their trailer as a joke and cost Obama the election. Many conservatives became aware of the existence of a publication called "The New Yorker."

But this. This is beyond the pale...

Illustrator Barry Blitt returns this week with a blatant attack on our Peace Prize War President. It is an apparent reference to Obama recently bowing to some Asian leader in some country somewhere. As with Blitt's controversial Muslim cover there is absolutely NO WAY to tell this is satire. No labels, speech bubbles, title or warning sticker to inform us dolts that is merely a joke that we should not riot over. I guess we should take it at face value.

So does Barry Blitt think Obama will literally bow to St. Nicholas when he arrives to deliver presents and snack on cookies? Does the White House even have a chimney or does he make that assumption based solely on Obama's race? (He's an African-American.) And does Obama's reverence for the rotund semi-secular symbol of Christmas show that his Yuletide allegiance is to consumerism and not Baby Jesus? (The clear implication being that he is a Santa-friendly Muslim.)

And what of that dainty little move Santa is doing with his feet? Totally gay. A smack in the face to Mrs. Claus at her home in the North Pole all the way from David Remnick's ivory tower in New York. (Lots of gays in that city. Coinkydink?) She could not be reached for comment as this post went to press.

I'm going to call my close personal friend Wolf Blitzer and get him on this. It's been too long since idiots opined on illustrations and cartoons that went completely over their head. And in America, those are the only cartoons we talk about!

Illustration Friday

A woman's dog chases a dude on his run.



And an illustration for the ACLU.

Turd of the Day

I love how the paper says the same thing as the door. I wonder what it's like to assume your readers are dumber than your cartoons.

(click here to view)

John R. Rose Byrd Newspapers of Virginia Dec 9, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Tit For Tat

Boy, those new recommendations for breast cancer screening really touched a nerve. Or a lump. Once Congress caught wind of the public outrage over researchers announcing research (which may or may not hold up over time--I don't pretend to know) they ran to the nearest podium to out-mammogram their foes. Even Republicans who oppose spending money on anything without camouflage appeared ready to raise taxes if the money went exclusively to combat the bosom butcher. Woe to the pol who appears soft on breast cancer.

The pink ribbon is almost as sacred as the American flag and slapped on nearly as many products. You know, the ones that promise to part with a few pennies to "raise awareness" about breast cancer (is anyone unaware?) which I think means more pink ribbons raising more awareness on more products.

For the record, I oppose breast cancer.

While drawing this comic I took a short break for nourishment and grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge...

Good news on the health care front!

Democrats are nearing a compromise on the compromised compromises they made from their original compromised position.

I'll see Time and raise them.

In an attempt to exploit the economic desperation of freelancers and the notorious lateness for which we are paid, Time Inc. has developed a "Pay Me Now" program that will allow freelancers to get paid promptly, provided they pay Time a fee for paying them--one that gets higher the quicker they want it.

Gawker has the story:

Given how desperate freelancers are to be PAID NOW, largely because companies like Time Inc. never pay them on time, this is a pretty genius idea. In fact, if you take it to its logical conclusion, Time could just pay its freelances nothing instantly, thereby significantly reducing its content costs.

This is all fine and dandy on Time's part. I understand that corporations now depend on swindling customers and employees with late fees, early fees and hidden fees to underwrite their failing business models. If freelancers are to keep up with current trends it's time for us to fight back with some money-making schemes of our own!

Early Fees

• Do you want the work at the last possible second before deadline? No extra fee.
• 5 minutes before deadline: 1 percent fee
• 10 minutes before deadline: 2 percent fee
• 30 minutes before deadline: 3 percent fee
• 2 hours before deadline: 4 percent fee
• 1 day before deadline: 5 percent fee

Transaction Fees

• Electronic delivery: Flat rate Platinum Turbo Delivery $10 convenience fee
  
• Mailed on disc: Flat rate Platinum Retro Delivery $10 convenience fee (plus $15 CD burning fee)
• Communication over phone and e-mail to discuss project: 10 free e-mails and/or phone calls with additional communication at $10 per
  

Late Fees

• 2 percent fee for each week payment is delayed after 30 days of receiving invoice
  
• Your company folds and you run away without paying: run the 100 yard gauntlet while freelancers pelt you sharp quill pens and paper cut you with overdue invoices
  

Hidden Fees

• No tearsheets delivered within 30 days of publication? 10 percent fee
• You kill the illustration without bothering to inform the freelancer: full price, no kill fee
  
• You significantly color correct or edit illustration and notify the freelancer about it a week later because you are busy: 50 percent fee
  

Literally sleeping with the enemy--while stoned.

LA Times on the fabulous Afghan Army that is supposed to start taking things over for us in 18 months.

In Kandahar...Mayor Ghulam Haider Hamidi said he was outraged recently to find out that some police were allowing Taliban fighters to sleep in their barracks. Here, officials say they gave police recruits drug tests. They excluded anyone who tested positive for opiates, but acknowledge that they were lenient about hashish and marijuana -- lest the district be unable to meet even minimal recruitment goals.

Lovely.

A decade of things falling apart

Leonard Pitts on the Ohs.

Lemonade

The president spent months in meetings reviewing plans for Afghanistan before deciding to commit 30,000 more troops. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is still under review. Must be complicated!

Wednesday: Breast Cancer Wars

Illustration Friday

A drunkard with a air rifle scares away a little girl.



And the neighbor kids love when I draw shit like this.

Refreshing

At least we have a president who can articulate his horrible decisions.

War Is Boring

Here is a page from the fourth chapter of War Is Boring, which takes place in East Timor. There's more information on the book here and pages from other chapters here, here and here.

Partner. On. This.

I'm bored. Let's see what sort of damage Thomas Friedman is doing to truth and the English language today.

To me, the most important reason for the Iraq war was never W.M.D. It was to see if we could partner with Iraqis to help them build something that does not exist in the modern Arab world: a state, a context, where the constituent communities — Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds — write their own social contract for how to live together without an iron fist from above.

According to this Friedman Doctrine you don't need to be threatened by a country to invade them (and perhaps abide by international law), merely have an irrepressible urge to "partner" with its residents and create a "context" for them to live in, whatever that means.

Friedman says whatever he wants in his columns without The Paper Of Record actually preventing him from making shit up. When he gave his thoughts on what the war was about a few years ago, his answer sounded less like partnering-up with classmates for an exciting grade school project and more like terrorizing people in a country that didn't attack us.

He ended his famous "Suck. On. This." answer with, "That Charlie was what this war was about...we hit Iraq because we could and that's the real truth.

Well, until today. Now the REAL real truth is out. It was all about partnering!

[/Dithering]

I'm trying to reconcile the way conservatives treated the military decisions of Bush with those of Obama and I've come up with the following formulation: You must be willing to follow the Commander In Chief into the gaping maw of a death chasm without a shred of doubt or criticism...unless he takes a few months to make that decision!

The Duality Of Obama

Memo To Obama

Here is a cartoon of mine from 2006 explaining the concept of leaving countries and the complicated logistics involved.