Markets Merging

Happy New Year.

I hope you have a job.

New Year

I stayed away from the news for a week and missed the outbreak of war--er, military operations, or whatever. I'll never do this again!

Oh, and a new year is rapidly approaching. Let's all draw an old man handing a baby an egg timer!

Mine would be Old Man Israel (OMI) handing Young Baby Israel (YBI) an hourglass that was labeled "Roadmap To Peace." Naturally both would be wearing sashes that corresponded with their years (2008 and 2009 for those who don't follow the years closely). Then YBI would say to OMI, "Can we put more sand in it?"

Brilliant, I know. I'm not sure how I come up with them--I just do.

Obama Derangement Syndrome

The Supreme Court recently rejected to hear a case that alleged Barack Obama forged his birth certificate. (Part of a Muslim plot, naturally.) One can only imagine what further nuttery will develop over the next four years.

Food Regulations

For The Oregonian:

More Top Ten

Amazon's Top Ten "Most Polarizing Books of 2008" has a puzzling entry. Here's the top three:

• 1. The Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore by Deepak Chopra
  
• 2. Dungeons and Dragons Player's Handbook: Roleplaying Game Core Rules, 4th Edition by Wizards RPG Team
  
• 3. The Obama Nation: Leftist Politics and the Cult of Personality by Jerome R. Corsi
  

I guess the rankings are based on Amazon sales so maybe I should be happy that less people purchased "Obama Nation" than a D&D handbook (the 4th edition!) but it's hard to imagine that being more polarizing--not to mention consequential.

Sadly, Deepak Chopra blasted away the nerds and conservatives in sales to take the #1 spot. Another score for New Age nonsense!

Inauguration

It seemed fitting to bring back my god character during this time of year since his appearance is based on a certain jolly gift-bearing fellow.

Reason For The Season

Christmas. The time to celebrate the birth of Christ, acquire more possessions and drink copious amounts of Christmas Ale. I'm especially down with that last part.

As they say in the blogosphere: "blogging will be light over the holidays." I'm visiting Ohio for the first time since I moved to Portland two years ago.

Have a Merry Christmas, or if you prefer, a Happy Thursday.

Wednesday: Obama's Special Guest

God's Lunch Counter

The official policy on homosexuality from the Saddleback Church's website:

It's not judgmental to say that what the Bible calls a sin is a sin, that's just telling the truth.
(...)
Because membership in a church is an outgrowth of accepting the Lordship and leadership of Jesus in one’s life, someone unwilling to repent of their homosexual lifestyle would not be accepted at a member at Saddleback Church. That does not mean they cannot attend church – we hope they do!

Top Ten

OK, putting together a real top ten list of cartoons from 2008 is taking longer than I though so I'm giving up. But I am going to create one next year. It will be easier to pick them out as I go along instead of going through everyone's archives.

But here's a tip for TIME. If your list doesn't have at least a few of the following people, you are doing something wrong: Clay Bennett, Pat Oliphant, Ruben Bolling, Tom Toles, Jen Sorensen, Mike Lester, Ted Rall, Ben Sargent, Jeff Danziger, Lloyd Dangle, Joel Pett and many others.

Mailbag: War and Peace edition

Uh-oh. Some e-mails are coming in about my tirade against Obama yesterday. Let's pull one up from reader EH:

I hope this email doesn't land me a spot on "doucebags from the mailbag."

Ha! Just as I thought! Landing a spot in Mailbag Douchebags is a fear of letter writers across the internet.

I am a supporter of gay rights and gay marriage. That being said, I can't pretend like this is the most important issue at the moment. When the conservatives were in power, these social issues were convenient distractions...Now that they're not in power, they'll use these social issues every chance they get to hamstring Obama and any chance at even incrementally progressive legislation.

In Obama's quote, you saw nothing but naked political ambition. But I saw a weary realism - an acknowledgement that if he gives his opponents the opportunity, then they'll prefer to attack him instead of working together to address the most serious problems of the day.

There's a reason I'm a political cartoonist instead of a politician. The election strategy of the Democratic party isn't something I care about--it's something I mock. I'm tired of waiting for everyone to come around to sensible positions. Full rights should be granted to all of our citizens before you finish reading this sentence. Nope, it didn't happen. I'm mad about that.

So as much as I hate to defend Warren, whose views on social issues are repugnant, he's fairly correct on issues dealing with poverty and the environment. It pains me to say it, but I think that this is the type of person Obama needs to court at the moment - prominent conservatives who can actually give him credibility on the life or death issues of the moment.

I'm proud that the left tries to hold our politicians to their promises and their constituencies. But, jesus, he's not even in office, yet. [what about the "office" of the president-elect?--ed.] Warren is not an appointment, and this is not a policy decision on Obama's part. Can we at least wait until he does something that has ACTUAL ramifications, instead of just implications?

It's true that this isn't a huge issue. It's not a policy position. It still sends a message. Gays supported him in large numbers and it's insulting to pick a divisive pastor for this innocuous role.

Obama will be the most GLBT-friendly President in our history. But it's 2008 and I'm not going to give him a treat for believing gays are deserving of respect. If he thinks he's a "fierce advocate" for them, he should abolish Don't Ask Don't Tell and DOMA on Day 1 of his presidency instead of praying to God with Rick Warren.

He should be explaining to Americans why gay marriage is not harmful to them--not reinforcing their belief that marriage is between a man and a woman. As President he could vocally support same-sex marriage initiatives when they come up. Instead, he will most likely ride the fence and say "those people in that state should decide for themselves."

Oh, and I'll make a prediction: Obama will have a change of heart on same-sex marriage. Sometime after 2016. Maybe he'll make a documentary like Al Gore.

There is just a tiny bit of irony in such a forthright atheist complaining about the choice of minister.

You got me. Hey, I'd have Christopher Hitchens give the invocation while drunk if it was my inauguration.

(Did you make it to the end of this blog post? You deserve a prize.)

Obama Has Gay Friends

After choosing a pious anti-gay pastor/self-help author for the inaugural invocation (during which time we are supposed to pray that the creator of the universe guides our president), Barack Obama lied while defending his decision:

I am fierce advocate for equality for gay and -- well, let me start by talking about my own views. I think it is no secret that I am a fierce advocate for equality for gay and lesbian Americans.

If Obama is a "fierce advocate" for gay equality, then it's the best kept secret in Washington. In fact, Obama believes gays should remain second class citizens and don't deserve full marriage rights. Like Rick Warren, he thinks marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman. He might be friendlier to gays, he might not think they are evil, but the results are the same: no gay marriage.

In 2007 Obama told us what he thinks about the activists who tirelessly work to achieve the rights he takes for granted:

..it would be extraordinarily difficult and distracting to try to build a consensus around marriage for gays and lesbians.

Gays Rights are a distraction. I suppose he means a distraction to his political ambitions. What a "fierce advocate."

Two Questions

Are we headed into a depression?

When does Cheney's war crimes trial start?

Top 10

David Reese, of Get Your War On fame, has been posting some very good top ten lists for 2008. These are blowing all other top ten lists out of the water, even though his top ten transplant list is way off. (Who omits genitals and gallbladders?!)

He has yet to post Top 10 Worst Top Ten Lists, but I nominate TIME's Top Ten editorial cartoons of 2008 for the #1 spot. The list is usually atrocious, but this time it's fucking insulting. Whoever chose these doesn't seem to be paying attention to the field at all and the list has the feel of an intern strolling through Cagle.com the day before deadline. There are some good artists on the list, but TIME chose their most inane gag cartoons to represent them.

Ted Rall, as President of the AAEC, sent them a scathing letter that may be worth reading.

Maybe I'll compile a list of Top Ten editorial cartoons for 2008. Have any faves?

Poetry Corner

What exactly are Caroline Kennedy's qualifications to be a Senator? Some Democrats who blasted Palin as inexperienced now think it's a splendid idea that an inexperienced person from the Kennedy family be elevated to represent one of the most important areas of the country. From what I can tell, it's because she is famous and appeared on television a few times. No doubt Ms. Kennedy possess more intellectual acumen than Palin, but what are her positions?

Peggy Noonan said of Palin that her party was going with "bullshit about narratives" over political substance. Seems to be what this is about as well.

My favorite defense of Caroline Kennedy has to be this:

She reads poetry. Anyone who doesn’t think that’s relevant needs to be reminded of William Carlos Williams’ observation: “It is difficult to get the news from poems, yet men die miserably every day for the lack of what is found there.”

I agree. In order to end all wars, as well as qualify myself for the Senate, I offer the poem "yeah" by Charles Bukowski:

just heard a commercial
which told me
Farmer John smokes his own
bacon.
now, there's a tough
son of a
bitch.

Labor vs. Capital, 2012

I was looking at the costs these underpaid CEOs have to give to the union workers. It's some serious cash--no wonder they are going under. Comes to $3,234 per worker, per hour. Here's how it breaks down:

• $77 per hour (24/7) to all disabled employees
• Top-notch hospice care for a worker's extended family
• On-site day care with ball pit, jungle gym and full-time clown (then you gotta negotiate with the fucking clown union--don't get me started)
• Lunch breaks must have vegetarian options and "organic" vegetables flown in from Vermont
• 20 hour work week/60 hours of pay
  

On the other hand, Japan tricks their children into building cars for free. You could never do that here--Oh No--you'd have to get a permission slip from a Union Boss and give the kid a pension.

and now a message from an Iraqi covered in human feces

118th Trimester Fetuses!

I think this argument might actually work on Republicans who oppose the bailout of the auto industry.

You know, when I think about it, it's not even funny. Congress created a law in one day to keep Terry Schiavo alive. Millions of fully sentient workers? Not so lucky.

Give Often

During the Holiday Season we should donate some of our earnings to the needy--as Christ would have liked. CEOs are struggling right now and need a helping hand. Won't you give them some of your money? Oh, wait--you don't have a choice.

Wednesday: Labor Debates of the Future!

Phoning It In

Amazing culture fact: Muslims view beaming someone in the face with a shoe as a way to insult them--not a pleasantry. Who Knew?!

Maybe Not

In April I wrote :

It looks like there will be at least a few jobs in the future. The Daily Cartoonist reported that Rob Tornoe has been hired as a staff cartoonist for Politicker.com.

Today the Daily Cartoonist reported that Rob Tornoe has been laid off from his position at Politicker.com.

Friday Post!

I'm going through Friday Blog Posting Withdrawal (FBPW) now that I'm only doing two syndicated strips a week.

What to write about...

Oh, looks like I made Dissent of the Day over at the Daily Dish (I'm the second one). There's been talk in the blogosphere about surrogate mothers ever since an excruciating article on the topic was written for the New York Times Magazine a few weeks ago. Do you care? Probably not. But that explains the reference to it in my recent comic.

( Side note: Blogger's spellcheck flags "blogosphere" and has "no suggestions" on how to correct the word. WTF? Blogger needs to get hip to the Blogosphere.)

You Oughta Be Committed

Cross-posted at the ACLU Blog of Rights.

Sixty years ago, the United States was one of 48 nations to sign the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Since then we’ve had an unimpeachable human rights record achieving all of the standards set forth in the declaration’s 30 articles.

Oh, wait — wiretapping, torture, illegal detention, a biased criminal justice system… OK, there’s still a few things to be done. Here’s a comic showing what America may have looked like if the Bush administration were as committed to the UDHR as they are to waterboarding alleged terrorists.

Crying Cartoon Alert

Another CCA, folks. Looks like Lincoln isn't as tough as we thought--Ol' Railsplitter's crying over Blago!

(click here to view)

John Sherffius Dec 11, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Advertisements

Fitzgerald

I went to the Barber shop today. Told 'em to give me the Blago. I look pretty sweet now. But I hesitate to comment further. There is an ongoing investigation and, as you know, it's just not appropriate to comment on those.

Barack McClellan backs me up on this: “Like the rest of the people of Illinois I am saddened and sobered by the news that came out of the U.S. attorney’s office today. But as this is an ongoing investigation involving the governor, I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to comment on the issue at this time.” (It's hard to capture in print, but he said it in that ultra-slow cadence he uses. Took 5 minutes to get the goddamn quote out of him.)

Not that there's any reason to think Obama did anything wrong. But guilt by association is a fun American tradition! Tony Rezko is even mentioned in the whole affair. And he did shake hands with Blago. (What kind of Senator shakes hands with their Governor?)

Seemed not long ago Patrick Fitzgerald was being maligned by the Right as a sufferer of Bush Derangement Syndrome while investigating the Bush White House for the Plame leak. No doubt he's a straight shooter now. Fitzgerald is really good at his job. If Obama is part of a Muslim Terror Takeover with a fake birth certificate, I'm fully confident that Patrick Fitzgerald will uncover it. Chill out, crazy people.

misc.

I have a cartoon in the latest issue of Free Inquiry. If you'd like to see more of my work in there, write the magazine and let them know.

If you'd like to see the work I do for Free Inquiry and other places, join the mailing list by sending me an e-mail. Click on that little letter graphic on the right side of the blog.

?

I love when political cartoonists try to shoehorn events into some weird visual pun or parody.

Take this.

Hmmm. Whatever point they are making here--apparently that Obama will somehow outlaw guns just after a major Supreme Court decision affirmed our right to own them--is negated by the fact that, Obama or no, a child cannot buy a gun. Poor kid.

Beyond that, it's simply trying to force a Christmas theme into a cartoon for no reason.

Everyday Low Prices

A mob trampled a man to death in order to get their hands on ridiculously discounted flatscreen HDTVs on the opening day of a shopping season centered around the celebration of the virgin birth of a man who lived in poverty his whole life.

Gifts!

We all know consumer spending is the only thing keeping us from hunting dogs in the street right now. Why not do your part?

I wouldn't be a good businessman if I didn't remind you about my affordable shirt selection--including the popular "Cash Rules" shirt seen to the right. Order soon to get in time for Christmas (Shirts intended for other holidays will not mailed--this is a Christian nation).

Also, I do commissions from time to time for fans. What better way to sendoff the the Bush Administration than a lovely illustration of them being waterboarded archival ink, suitable for framing? Shoot me an e-mail to discuss rates.

It Don't Gitmo Better

The Bush administration will most likely never be held accountable for ordering torture and leading us to war under false pretenses. If I were them, I'd be celebrating.

Cry Off: Gandhi vs. Lady Liberty

Violence in Mumbai--time to cry!

First up: Lady Liberty. I'm ashamed to be represented by this statue. Anytime there's a tragedy, you can always count on her green ass to start weeping. That's not America!

Readygetsetcry:

(click here to view)

Gary Varvel Indianapolis Star Nov 30, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

OK, that was alright. Nothing too impressive. Let's see if Gandhi can bring it.

(click here to view)

Tom Stiglich Journal Register Newspapers Dec 2, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Strong cry. Very sorrowful. The "terrorism" label on the smoke let's you know this isn't a common house fire but a serious issue of international terrorism. I'd say that wins.

Wait--I'm getting word a crying elephant wants in on the Cry Off! This elephant is sad!

OK, where's Vishnu and Ganesh? Obviously, those two are wailing right now. Why won't a cartoonist do them justice?

UPDATE: I WIN

Mailbag Douchebags

Let's reach into the mailbag and answer some questions from fans!

Earl:

You are totally full of shit, are you on Al Qaida's payroll?

I am not, although I'd probably make more if I was. I don't think terror is doing nearly as bad as the newspaper industry. I also bathe frequently and they have a clause in their contracts against that.

Tom T:

I would like to point out to you that your 11-24 strip is just the kind of "hate" mongfering[sic] you so often lampoon...I would like to know what your beliefs are about God and Jesus Christ, they are obviously faulty.

Just to clarify what I am saying, "Ye must be born again".

Tom, I'm super Jesus-y. Not only do I hate hate, but I want to help the poor get a leg up on them 'ol money changers. Many believers may not know this, but Focus on the Family is never mentioned once in the New Testament.

Great Gift Idea

I don't want you trampling anyone in an effort to get your hands on one, but I thought I'd let you know...

Glenn Beck has released his first novel, "The Christmas Sweater."

Union

I always look to right-wing radio for interesting takes on the days news. These astute yakkers know exactly what's causing our economic woes: Barack Obama and Unions.

Turns out UAW members may make enough to own a home, a car, and to send their kids to college. They might even have some leftover cash to spend to keep the economy afloat. Rush Limbaugh, a man who makes $100 million a year ranting into a golden microphone, thinks the auto workers are an example of greed.

Spread the Wealth Around (Then the Bombs)

Hope and Change won't be coming to Afghanistan. That little crappy war was going to continue no matter who won. But maybe we can make life easier for the folks over there.

Bigot Bailout

OK, so the computer is back--time for catch up.

Here's last week's strip on Focus on the Family and their latest round of layoffs. Should we bailout this vital American industry?