Retraction

I have to retract my earlier press release about cartooning for Free Inquiry. My future contributions to the magazine were not as certain as I thought and they have informed me that I am not their regular cartoonist. My future with the magazine is uncertain at this point.

I take blame for any confusion.

Not A Parody

This one seems like it was drawn by Kelly at The Onion.

(click here to view)

Rob Smith, Jr. The Glenn Beck Program Sep 30, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Pocket Protectors

cross-posted at the ACLU's Blog of Rights

Previously we’ve discussed the push to search under travellers’ clothes with the naked machine and the million names on the terrorist watch list. The latest Civil Discourse comic examines DHS’s need to literally put their hands in your pockets.

The Washington Post reported last month:

Federal agents may take a traveler’s laptop computer or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed.

DHS doesn’t stop with your MacBook. The policies extend to, well, everything. They claim they can seize “any device capable of storing information in digital or analog form” along with “all papers and other written documentation.” Yes, that antique pendulum clock you’re lugging around qualifies as a analog device and may be searched. (ticking time bomb?)

Just in case you thought of something that could slip through those categories, they included “written materials commonly referred to as ‘pocket trash’ or ‘pocket litter.’”

They defined it twice just to be sure they cover everything under the sun.

Announcement

PRESS RELEASE – September 29, 2008

Matt Bors Inks Toons for Free Inquiry Magazine

Matt Bors has become the regular cartoonist for Free Inquiry magazine. He will be drawing multiple cartoons for each issue of the bimonthly journal of secular humanist news and opinion. Bors replaces Don Addis who has drawn for the magazine for decades.

"He appears to have the right stuff and then some," says Christopher Hitchens, a columnist for Free Inquiry. "If you already know, then you will know what I mean. If you don't, then hasten to find out."

The October/November issue has hit newsstands and features four cartoons by Bors that deal with papal indulgences, why god allows suffering, Barack Obama's religiosity and Blue Laws that prevent liquor from being sold on Sunday. (A pressing concern for the secular lush.) Bors also illustrated the cover.

"Religious issues are some of my favorite to tackle," says Bors. "Editorial cartooning is about bringing the powerful down a notch through humor. What better target than the creator of the universe and his Earth-bound surrogates?"

"I'm proud to be joining a magazine that looks at society's most cherished beliefs with a skeptical eye. It is the approach I strive for in my cartoons."

A comic from the current issue of Free Inquiry accompanying a column by Christopher Hitchens on papal indulgences.

Man Of Honor

John McCain's campaign slogan is "Country First." He has fostered an image as a maverick and acts as if he is the physical embodiment of honor. But his campaign hasn't done anything honorable in months.

What the hell was up with him never looking at Obama during the debate?

Palin debate

A friend wrote me: "I don't think the sum total of all actual facts and magical beliefs in her head, if spewed out at a reasonable pace, would fill 45 minutes."

Attack Ads

A local cartoon for The Oregonian.



For those outside of Oregon, here are links to two ridiculous ads on hot dog eating and locking up rapists that are referenced in the last panel.

Quote of the day

Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!
Bake Sale for Obama!

The guy outside has stopped yelling this at cars with his bullhorn, but it's still echoing in my head.

Comics

Joel Pett on the debate:

(click here to view)

Joel Pett Lexington Herald-Leader Sep 27, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Mike Lester does one on something I've been thinking about lately: If we frame issues like freecreditreport.com commercials, voters will actually memorize them. (Admit that you know at least three of those commercials by heart.)

(click here to view)

Mike Lester Rome News Tribune Sep 27, 2008 EditorialCartoonists.com

Debate Sketches

"It was not her best answer"

Indeed, Wolf.

Here I am Now, Entertain Me

Today we may or may not have the first presidential debate. I've never been more excited to spend a Friday on the couch drinking beer. This election has been going on for a year and half and a day before the debate McCain wants to reschedule? Fuck that.

Let's not forget that no matter how exciting, debates don't matter. We all made up our minds long ago. The dum dums aren't watching this shit and they aren't even getting some weird right-wing spin version from Rush. All those people know who they are voting for too. How the morons decide, I don't know.

But I like debates. Looking back to 2004 we saw that technically winning a debate doesn't count for much. Message to Obama: No one watching is a swing voter. Drop the boring policy talk and bust out the zingers!

The Best for the Job

There was a small chance, economic and insane social beliefs aside, that Sarah Palin could have at least held her own with a reporter after a few weeks of cramming with advisers. But that is clearly not the case. She makes Bush look curious. I haven't heard a single thought from her yet. She has read a carefully crafted speech and given two interviews in which she mouthed nothing but talking points. (We won't count her conversation with Hannity as an interview.) When Couric and Gibson caught her off guard or asked her question she didn't know, the results were frightening.

Countries like Pakistan, where rape victims are sometimes killed by their family (but not charged for rape kits), are forward-thinking enough to have elected a smart woman to their highest office. After all women have accomplished in this country, the barrier breaker could be Sarah Palin, a criminally dumb religious fanatic.

Monday: McCain's Honor

The Bubble-riffic Economy

Hey, remember way back two weeks ago when Henry Paulson said the economy was alright? About that. He needs a trillion dollars immediately no questions asked. Oh, and the power of Joseph Stalin. He needs that.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language: "I'm Henry Paulson and I need a trillion dollars."

Dems are hot on the case though. They're going to make sure everyone ruining the economy does so on a modest salary--no more than a quarter million a year instead of 14 quadrillion. (plus bonuses.) Essentially, their companies will have more money on hand to turn to shit.

Friday: Post-Palin Feminism

Labeling Analysis

Today's cartoon comes from RJ Matson.



Setup: Here we have Sarah Palin, presented in unlabeled splendor, leading one of the human-animal hybrids that George Bush warned us about down a road by his Gen X nose piercing. This species is a "Bull Moose Maverick." (genus: POW quadruped.) With me so far? Good.

Dilemma: There's just one question I have for this one and that is: why is the scrubland labeled "social conservatives"? The further Ms. Palin and Mr. Moose walk down that Alaskan path, the further it will put them from the social conservatives who are firmly rooted in the soil and, one must presume, the base on which they rely upon for winning in November. (And perhaps grazing sustenance for which the Moose relies upon. [Do Moose graze? I have no clue. {Leave your ideas in the comments!}])

Possible Explanation: Despite being a much Ballyhooed demographic, "social conservatives" are in reality this country's scrubland--an unsightly bunch of dry useless plants. No one likes to look at them and no one has any use for them--especially a woman with a rifle and a nice pair of fuck me boots. It is in this context that Palin and MooseCain walk away from the rapture-right vegetation. (This is called the "On To Greener Pastures Theory.")

Actual Explanation: The label is not meant for the background plants but the space between Palin and McMoose in the foreground. He labeled air molecules! It is she leading he, closing the gap between social conservatives and Mooses (sp?), thus creating a cheap but effective Bridge To Somewhere. Where? Victory.

That Other War

I finally had to peel myself away from covering the Presidential campaign to address the horrible level of civilian casualties in Afghanistan-- up 40% this year, with 577 being killed by US and NATO airstrikes. An August 22 attack took out 90 people, 60 of them children. I wonder what level of civilian casualties Americans would tolerate if we were occupied by a foreign country.

The U.N. said 330 civilians died in August alone.

"This is the highest number of civilian deaths to occur in a single month since the end of major hostilities and the ousting of the Taliban regime at the end of 2001," U.N. human rights chief Navi Pillay said in a statement.

Both candidates have expressed interest in escalating the war in Afghanistan. No doubt airstrikes will remain a big part of the strategy.

Wednesday: The Bailout Nightmare

I Love This Congress

Ian Thompson over at the Blog of Rights tipped me off to an important resolution introduced Tuesday and passed unanimously in the House Thursday "Honoring Toby Keith’s commitment to members of the Armed Forces."

I know Congress spends most of their time renaming post offices and the like, but Toby Keith? Really? The resolution celebrates how "few, if any, performers have traveled to such remote and dangerous military bases with Toby Keith’s frequency."

No word from Congress on when Mr. Keith will no longer need to do USO tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Ephemera Alert

The ACLU has launched a campaign called "I'm A Constitution Voter" to get Constitutional issues into the coverage of the presidential campaign. (as opposed to flag pins and lipstick.) I made a sign you can download from the sign up page.

oooo Barracuda!

A number of bands have told the McCain/Palin ticket to stop using their songs at campaign events.

Maybe Henry would let them borrow this one.

It's Constitution Day!

221 years ago today the founding fathers signed the U.S. Constitution.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

POW! That's a badass sentence!

The god particle

Scientists are trying to locate the Higgs Boson with the Large Hadron Collider and unlock other mysteries of the universe.

For Sarah Palin the world isn't that complicated. God made everything a few thousand years ago and is active today in oil pipeline construction and war waging.

In what respect, Charlie?

Friday: The Toby Keith Act

Huffington on Alt Weeklies

From a recent interview with Arianna Huffington:

You were a panelist two years ago at The Association of Alternative Newsweeklies annual convention. What do you think about the state of alternative newsweeklies?

I love what alternative newsweeklies are doing and I would like for [Huffington Post] to be more of a place where they can cross content so it can be available to a wider audience because there’s such great work being done.

Translation: Pay reporters to create content for your paper. Then post it on my site for free so I can get more ad revenue and negate the need for anyone to visit your website or pick up your print paper.

Fabulous, Darling!

Spokesbaby

The thought of John McCain as president has always disturbed me. Now a Rapture Right Hockey Mom will be waiting in the wings for the good lord to take him away.

Wednesday: The Large Palin Collider

Silly Season, Day 3,759

The media's ability to yack endlessly about meaningless bullshit two months from an important Presidential Election is making me ill.

11:28am : Boy Is Dead

Kevin Allman points way to one of the more...well, I don't even know what the fuck to call it.

Basically, The Rocky Mountain News sent a reporter to live blog the funeral of a three-year-old that was killed in a car crash. This is a real screen shot.



Well...uh, now there's something you just can't do in the daily print edition. Way to utilize the Internet!

Stock Photos

A little something different today.

I guess they figured "why reach out to black people when we can rent a few off the internet for a few bucks?"

This isn't the worst of it. Some of the footage they used of soldiers and military funerals were shot with paid actors. Did actor soldiers buy our school desks?

Friday: Godzilla!

Fire Fight

Cross-posted at the ACLU's Blog of Rights.

One of the most puzzling issues that confront those of us who care about civil liberties is the debate surrounding flag burning. Burning the American flag is offensive to many but done by almost no one. And yet every few years it is brought up as a wedge issue to separate those who love freedom from those who hate America, puppies and apple pies cooling on the windowsill of Grandma’s house. See the latest Civil Discourse comic on the issue.

If politicians were as passionate about ending torture and wiretapping as they are about fantasy fabric burners, I think this nation would be doing alright.

Flag burning isn’t on the front burner today (sorry, I like cheesy puns) but rest assured it will be back. As long as there are politicians that need to gin up votes and nationalistic fervor, there will be a fight to ban the rarely-performed act. I guess it’s a lot easier for them to talk about protecting the flag than to actually protect the freedoms it represents.

Playing it backwards is even more evil!

Every day I lose a little hope that Ohio will go blue this election.

BLACKLICK, Ohio -- A church in the Columbus area is turning heads with its public spin on the pop song "I Kissed a Girl." A sign outside Havens Corners Church in suburban Blacklick has the lyrics from the song's chorus, "I kissed a girl and I liked it" -- and adds, "Then I went to hell."

A drunk bi-curious college girl gets to burn for 40 trillion years in the same place as Hitler. Good to see the punishment fits the crime.

Sexist Meanies

Right now Sarah Palin is getting a crash course in foreign policy--learning who leads what country and what to say about it if she is ever asked. Or, you know, if she becomes President in a few months. The McCain campaign is using charges of sexism to deflect legitimate questions about her record and radical views. So far all we have to go on is her ridiculous speech at the RNC. She won't submit to a major interview until she "feels comfortable." Sounds like a tough pit bull, no?

Pretty soon you'll start hearing that between the two of them they have done 5 1/2 years in a POW camp and 89 appearances on Meet The Press.

Phoning It In

An irregular feature around these parts.

Anyone else find Huckabee's story about the school desks a little silly?



This Moose Lady cartoon is an ironic T-shirt waiting to happen.

I have 5 comics going out next week. Be sure to check back.

Cartoon Roundup

Most of the cartoons on the Palin pregnancy have been predictably lame. Nick Anderson knocked it out of the park, making the point I was going for better. The current Troubletown on Palin is funny as well. (Lloyd: get some permalinks, buddy.)

Other political cartoons of the week: Big Fat Whale on the GOP's diversity, Ted Rall on social progress and Tom Toles on McCain "taking back" Washington from his own party.

Karl Stevens and Gustavo Turner have been doing some great work in the Boston Phoenix lately. Check out their recent strips on Creampies and Absinthe.

Mailbag

My favorite e-mail in a while comes from "Otterdad"

a typical gutless metrosexual moral eunuch to go after a 17 yr old girl

Preggo

This week the Right discovered a newfound love for the words "Choice" and "Privacy" when dealing with women's bodies.

They praise Bristol Palin's choice to keep her baby and demand that we respect her privacy. Sounds great--will all women get privacy when dealing with these matters or will it be eliminated when Mcain appoints his first Supreme Court Justice? And do we celebrate all choices or only the one that respects the "human rights" of blastocysts?

For quite some time single mothers and pregnant teens were demonized by the Right as an example of an immoral country in a liberal death spiral. Now they gush.

If Barack Obama had a 17-year-old daughter who was pregnant and single...well, I don't need to finish that sentence, do I?

Monday: Sexist Meanies

RNC Thoughts

After Huckabee's speech I decided to foot it to the store for some hard alcohol before Rudy took the stage. I'm real glad I did. Rudy delivered an angry barn burner. I'm glad this authoritarian wasn't permitted to get the nomination. His hatred of Obama is almost palpable.

Why can't these people chant "USA!" in unison? They get one going every few minutes and it falls apart instantly. CNN zooms in on someone yelling "A" when everyone else in on the "U." Sounds like they hate America.

Palin is like a female Mike Huckabee: charismatic, likable, affable, crazy.

Palins, Trains and Automobiles

Bill Bennett on CNN defending Sarah Palin lacking a passport until last year: "James Madison, believe it or not, actually never left America."

Feminism You Can Believe In!

I take back what I said about wanting Romney to be the VP nominee. Sarah Palin is a true gift to cartoonists. It's hard to keep up with all stories coming out on her.

Palin is a radical social conservative who won't make an exception for abortion in the case of incest or rape. Jesus must have commented on those matters somewhere. Add on her denial of global warming, opposition to sex-ed, apparent creationist beliefs and secessionist links and you have a certifiable nut with a pretty smile.

These extremist positions puts her in Alan Keyes territory and yet it's plausible that she could be our President as soon as January 20th.

Friday: Pregnant Teens

RNC

Fred Thompson and Joe Lieberman used the McCain phrase "my friends" an awful lot in their speeches. Is that line polling high or something?

The RNC delegates sure are a racially diverse bunch of folks.

When Idiots Collide

I never thought anyone could make me have sympathy for Michelle Malkin, but I stumbled across this video of Alex Jones screaming in her face during a protest at the DNC.

Jones is the Commander-In-Chief of the conspiracy movement. I guess "disgusting wicked New World Order trash" is a put down in those circles.

Fuzzy Logic

John McCain claims Human Rights begin at conception but would allow stem cell research on fertilized embryos and abortions in the case of rape and incest. Why play favorites with zygotes? Who will stand up for those poor human beings? Sarah Palin in Wednesday's cartoon.

John McCain, Feminist

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."

That's John McCain showing his deep respect for women in a joke from 1998. Hey, at least it wasn't one of his rape jokes.

It's going to be a shame if this man is remembered for putting the first woman in the White House through an act of an erratic VP pick and dying of old age.

I followed the Palin news closely Friday and into the weekend as I tried to come up with an idea that wouldn't be used by another cartoonist by Wednesday (when the cartoon will be released.) One thing that bothered me about the non-stop coverage was not a single network or news article I read seemed to mention that Cynthia McKinney and Rosa Clemente are running the first all women of color ticket in American History. They didn't bring it up during Hillary's historic run either.

OK, so it's the Green Party. But doesn't it rise to the level of George Stephanopoulos giving a passing mention of their existence so George Will can scoff?

Mailbag Douchebag

I certainly hope somebody beheads you soon1(sic)

Bob Lowe, advchaser@gmail.com