New ACLU comic

While gay rights advocates protested outside of a DNC fundraiser, Obama was inside with celebrities cracking jokes about not following through on his promises on gay rights. Not so funny to Lt. Dan Choi, an Iraq veteran and Arab language translator recently booted out of the army for being gay.

New Illos

Someone brought their baby, sick with chicken pox, to the local Mall so they could shop for clothes and infect everyone.

This guy likes to neglect his daughter and dog while having sex the whole apartment complex can hear. Seems like every apartment complex has at least one couple incapable of having sex at a reasonable decibel level.

You say Fajita...

We live in an age where the kind of cheese you buy can be viewed as a political act so it comes as no surprise that even the pronunciation of Sonia Sotomayor's name is contentious. Is there any aspect of life that can escape left/right argumentation?

A douchebag at The National Review says Sotomayor doesn't know how to pronounce her own name. He says stressing the last syllable of Sotomayor is "unnatural in English." Apparently, the best approach would be to mangle the hell out of it with some hillbilly twang: SO-TOE-MAY-ER! Slap in some Billy Bob Teeth and lay it on thick to show them minorities how to speak proper 'Merican.

You have no doubt heard the correct pronunciation from the President and any number of talking heads in the last two days. Chances are, you are capable of accomplishing this linguistic feat yourself.

But there is a left flank to the pronunciation wars as well. It mostly consists of educated white liberals suddenly adopting a thick accent when speaking a Spanish word: "I'm glad Obama chose a Latina for the Supreme Court. One with roots in Puerrrrto Rico, no less. Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go to Chipotle and get a burrrrito!"

They speak most of the sentence in a Midwestern accent. Then, on the Spanish words, try to sound as if they were raised in the heart of Mexico City. This is generally done to make their friends feel less sophisticated and worldly while showing solidarity with all the Hispanic people they don't know.

So get off the fence and choose a side! Learn to roll the fuck out of your R's or start hickifying Spanish. Get all riled up and flustered when people pronounce things differently. Call them names. The future of Roe Vs. Wade could depend on it!

Lifetime Original

Naturally, people are seeking information on Sonia Sotomayor, Obama's pick for the Supreme Court. There are some particularly controversial topics that need to be addressed 24 hours out from the announcement, such as who will play her in the biopic based on her inspirational life story and struggle against all odds and nasty GOP interest groups. Thankfully the Associated Press has addressed this pressing issue in an article that gives us a run-down of possible stars. Jennifer Lopez tops the list.

I'd like to cast Ron Perlman as Scalia, perhaps in Hellboy makeup for added effect.

Senators Make Rare Stand Against Jailing People

I wish I could say this comic was only about Republicans, but it's not. Last week, Senators from both parties lined up to whine about putting Gitmo detainees in our massive city-sized Supermax prisons that cannot possibly be escaped from. These detainees are all docile and broken from years of torture and isolation, but lawmakers worry they'll convert all the prisoners into raging hardcore Muslims that stab guards with shivs made from juice box straws.

In reality, Western prisons would break these guys faster than Mancow on a waterboard. In no time they'd be trading porno mags and getting sloshed on toilet hooch with the rest of the inmates. Then we will have won a massive psychological/cultural victory in the War On Terror.

But Harry Reid's too much of a wuss to see things that way.

Portland Love

This ran in The Oregonian on Sunday and should be pretty self-explanatory to those of you who don't live here.

Oregon's unemployment rate is rivaled only by Michigan, yet remains a desirable place to move for many youngsters. The Oregonian's Anna Griffin wrote a column on the NY Time's strange love affair with our city. And George Will's column "Demon Denim" is worth a read, if only to marvel at his level of pampered snobbery. It's no surprise that he also hates Portland.

Appreciation

These days, most of us are working longer hours for less pay. And we're the lucky ones.

Comics

In a refreshing move, the latest issue of Harper's contains cartoons from Ruben Bolling, David Reese and Ben Katchor. You can check them out here. Update: Oh, nevermind. They don't let you see them unless you subscribe.

August Attacks

Oh snap.

What A Privilege

There's a $13,000 internship position at the Huffington Post.

No, No. That's what the intern paid to work there.

(via.)

CWA LOLcat Schism

CWA members Jen Sorensen and August Pollak are embroiled in a conflict over (so-called) cat humor. Jen launched an opening salvo with this comic decrying the LOL Cats and other such abortions of humor. August then typed an impassioned post titled "In defense of LOLcats", a string of words I was hoping to get through life without reading. Despite his flattery of me in said post, I was not persuaded in the least.

Now Jen has responded to August point by point. Turns out she's nothing but a cat humor apologist in disguise--proclaiming her love of Roomba Cat. This isn't a war, folks. Jen and August are allies in an axis of feline evil debating over the proper strategy.

I thought cat humor was like torture: clearly bad, something only war criminals make excuses for. Truth is, many otherwise rational people succumb to the alleged cuteness of this insidious internet meme. Pictures of cats in sinks? I curse your bloodline for thirteen generations!

I know Jen and August are not alone in their cat love. Many of you are no doubt removing my site from your bookmarks at this very moment. But being a political cartoonist means taking tough stands on the important issues of the day so I'm here to proclaim: I hate cat humor in all its forms.

Cheney's Media Tour

Please make Cheney go away! A jail cell, a distant island, a vessel jettisoned into deep space, Wyoming--I'll take what I can get at this point. Guy's like Droopy the dog.

Oh Good.

We went so far off the deep end as a country, this is what progress sounds like:

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon said Monday it no longer includes a Bible quote on the cover page of daily intelligence briefings it sends to the White House as was practice during the Bush administration.

A reporter had to ask that question.

Running on E

I don't want to gripe about cartoons again. I really don't. But c'mon. This was taken from Google Images and finished in two minutes. Labeling a fuel gauge is so easy and lame it should never be done. But if you are going to do it, at least draw the damn thing for us.

(click here to view)

Bob Gorrell Creators Syndicate Inc. May 19, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

War Is Boring

Here's part of a page from "War Is Boring", the graphic novel I'm working on. This scene takes place in Beirut after the 2006 war with Israel.

Rumsfeld Shows NY Times How It's Done

Check out this slide show of religious quotes Rumsfeld slapped on intelligence briefings. He put this one above some pictures of tanks and soldiers:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be wherever you go. --Joshua 1:9

Notice the sourcing. No plagiarism of god or Joshua going on at the DoD. At least some writers named Josh get credit for their brains farts. Maureen Dowd, take note!

Donald could have claimed he was talking to Bush on the phone, who read it--without saying it was a Bible verse--and he just happened to jot it down verbatim on his intelligence briefing which he was putting together on PowerPoint at that very moment with some awesome pictures of tanks.

Oh, and by the way: How fucking crazy is Donald Rumsfeld? I can't wait to find out what other insane shit they were doing while invading Iraq.

Advice for Dowd

Maureen Dowd, who has noted how bloggers are parasitic beings that leech off of print, was caught plagiarizing Josh Marshall from TPM. It's so mystifying how anyone would try to get away with that in the Internet age you almost want to believe her cockamamie story.

Dowd should learn from editorial cartoonists. Don't copy cartoons exactly--just the ideas. So if your brain isn't working one day and notice some other guys drawing a ball player with steroid needles coming out of his butt labeled "stimulus," you can swipe their idea. But only the lowest form of pond scum would actually trace it--you find a new composition and make the thievery your own.

And don't worry, Ms. Dowd. You can still win Pulitzers this way as well.

Releasing Photos

Barack Obama is failing to deliver on all sorts of promises. His word is worthless.

The Stinky Return Of Turd Awards!

Pelosi called the CIA liars and conservative cartoonists are piling on, calling her one back. They are probably right. I got a joke for you: How do you know when a politician is lying? Give up? Their mouths are moving! I should have saved that one for a cartoon instead of wasting it on a blog post.

We're no Pelosi defenders here. No sir. I did a cartoon on Pelosi lying about this back in 2007 when it was news and it didn't even take Drudge headlining it for me to find an angle on it.

For newcomers, we operate on a 4 turd scale around here.


Beeler has a great caricature and overall illustration here. The idea? It's about as good as my joke above. Political cartooning consists of calling politicians on their bullshit so we could draw a liar with their pants on fire everyday if we wanted. Liberal hacks did this about once a week during the Bush years. Too easy, Nate.

(click here to view)

Nate Beeler Washington Examiner May 15, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Good drawing. Very creepy concept. Rob Smith catches Pelosi a moment before the CIA assassinates her. Assassination tip: it's hard to hide from the CIA but putting a placard with your last name on the door of your home never helps. It's not incompetently executed (so to speak) but I'm giving it two and a half warm piles for the stalky killy vibe.

(click here to view)

Rob Smith, Jr. The Glenn Beck Program May 15, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

The Phone-In King Bob Gorrell is trying to make a point here, I'm sure of it. Oh wait--there it is written on her paper for us! It takes a lot for me to a approve of a pin with a name on it, but Gorrell's caricature is so weak I think it's essential here. Pelosi doesn't have buck teeth. If anything, she has those frightening little tiny lady teeth--which is basically the exact opposite of huge buck teeth.

(click here to view)

Bob Gorrell Creators Syndicate Inc. May 15, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Whoa! Foden totally gets the tiny teeth thing and turned them into little zipper teeth to hide her forked tongue. Brilliant! Adding to it is the caption about "Wardrobe Malfunction." That joke is from the 2006 2004 Superbowl and hasn't been used by anyone yet, so good move there. Why not throw in a "wide stance" joke to make it even more relevant?

(click here to view)

Glenn Foden BusinessandMedia.Org May 15, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Torture Pics

I'm loving the transparent Obama government right now. The President today: "I want to emphasize that these photos that were requested in this case are not particularly sensational, especially when compared to the painful images that we remember from Abu Ghraib."

Oh damn, these photos must be really, really bad. They probably really do make stacking naked men into pyramids look like a fraternity prank as Rush suggested.

Here I thought all those column inches comparing Obama to Spock were useless drivel. But describing what everyone knows are shocking photos as "not particularly sensational" seems like a very Vulcan characterization.

That or a lie.

Rape-istan

Tried to make a funny comic about rape. Let's see if I can get through the day without a post excoriating me on Feministing. (Take note that I'm ridiculing the rapists and not the rapees!)

Afghanistan has been under criticism for legalizing marital rape, something they say will be repealed. Doesn't matter either way, really. Getting punished for rape in countries like Afghanistan is like a government official being held to account for torture in America: it's something human rights organizations complain about, but otherwise people turn their heads--look forward, not backward.

Women's rights aren't really at the forefront in the Land O' Poppies. You are generally discouraged from pursuing punishment for these crimes--kind of like how it is in the US military.

Related: A more serious cartoon I did on rape.

The Wise Choice

The private parts of the next Supreme Court pick are very important to people. And they should be--time for some equality up in this bitch. People may eventually care about her views, but only on abortion.

Confirmation hearing these days are all out assaults against the nominee's life and political views. A gum wrapper they threw away in 1984 could come back to haunt them. Forget training for days with judicial mumbo jumbo rebuttals. Here's my three prong approach to get anyone woman through.

• Picking a woman is great. They live longer than men. But not just any woman will do. She's got to be young. A stem cell, if possible. I recommend going with whoever is on the cusp of the minimum age to be on the court. (35?) Until we get rid of these stupid lifetime appointments, you gotta play the game. The liberals on the court are depressingly decrepit. We need youthful vigor.
• She should be hot. We are a judgmental society and ugly women get nothing but public scorn. (Think Harriet Miers.) People care about looks more than politics anyway. Let's give in and play it to our advantage. JJ Abrams did and look at all the success he's having with Star Trek. Would you go see it if the stars were all ugly? Of course not. Uhura for Supreme Court Justice!
• Someone should cry. Alito's wife bawling up a storm during questioning really upped the sympathy factor for him. Best to pick a woman of color so her elderly mother can sob on camera when crazy Republicans badger her on Roe v. Wade. That kind of imagery will create a tidal wave of public support. After that, only a racist demon would vote against her.

Now, I'm sure people have more nuanced, intellectual strategies they fancy to be superior to mine. They know nothing. This is the path to victory.

Wanda Sykes

Not many people are given the chance to ridicule the President to his face on live television. If you are ever in that position, don't blow it like Wanda Sykes did tonight. The comedian known for blasting off her mouth was hosting the White House Correspondent's Dinner and didn't bring the heat. Not even the warmth.

I'm not asking for a total decimation like Colbert gave Bush and the media in 2006, but give me something. The toughest joke Sykes directed at Obama had to do with his basketball skills. Lloyd Dangle's right--people turn into goo around this guy.

Sykes, who married her female partner in California in 2008 and came out of the closet at an anti-Prop 8 rally, didn't even give the President a light ribbing for thinking she doesn't deserve equality under the law. Just this week Obama's military ruined the career of a gay American under the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy he allegedly opposes. Gay Rights is a regular part of her stand up routine so she mentioned it, right? No, but Sykes said that Bush messed stuff up. Remember that bozo? Always good for a laugh.

The only joke that was risque and caused the stuffed shirts to groan involved Rush being a terrorist. Going after Limbaugh while standing at a podium next to Obama in a room full of reporters and Hollywood celebrities. Real ballsy.

The Advocate declared Sykes the "poster girl for black and gay America." Oh well. Maybe she'll get around to talking about it next time she's given 15 uninterrupted minutes of airtime with the President.

Event Reminder

Come see my slide show and talk Monday in Portland. I'll be talking about my work process, ideas about editorial cartooning and showing pages from the graphic novel I'm working on.

Monday, March 11 @1:30
2305 SE 82nd and Division
Portland Community College, Southeast Center
Mt. Tabor Hall 130
More info here.

Illos

An illo for the OC Weekly. A bailed out bank refused to cash someone's $25 government bond saying they couldn't do that for someone who didn't have an account with them.

And Rahm:

Pandemic

This one goes out to a couple of my good friends who drive and smoke yet are terrified of flying no matter what kind of numbers I throw at them. So far, Swine Flu appears no more lethal than Homo Sapien Flu yet it got the full Situation Room treatment for a week. What's regular flu go to do to get Sanjay Gupta analyzing its ribliocodes (?) on the gigantic touch screen monitor?

You wish this level of concern would be established for some other top killers that are even easier to prevent, namely car crashes and smoking.

I was loving the controversy over the naming of this goddamn virus.

First the Industrial Pig Farm Complex objected to the name, claiming it tainted the honor of their shit and blood filled factories. Then Jews and Muslims said the name was offensive--when god said "no pork" thousands of years ago, he clearly intended for the faithful to abstain from the Orthomyxoviridae Family of RNA Viruses that have evolved to infect hogs.

For more information, see Joe Biden's new website doihaveswineflu.org

Appearance

Next Monday I'll be giving a talk and slide show about my work at Portland Community College from 1:30-2:30 pm. I'll be talking about how I approach comics, espousing theories on editorial cartooning and showing you through my work process for my cartoons as well as the graphic novel I'm working on. (Which are very different.)

Admission is free. Directions here.

Sects Offenders

This week in Crazy Christian News:

Representatives of a local Christian church tried to lure a seventh-grader at Russell Middle School into a church van last week, school district officials said.

As a result, the principal sent students home with a letter to parents asking that they instruct their children not to talk to strangers...

Dangerous pedophiles? No, just local God Warriors doing some drive-by baptisms without parents permission. Try candy next time, guys.

And then there's this video of some soldiers in Afghanistan making sure the heathens get to the Kingdom.

Time To Invest

Coloring Book Outrage!

The networks were flipping out over this FEMA coloring book that I guess was supposed to teach kids about disasters. News agencies that aired the towers collapsing 10,000 times think this might be inappropriate for kids to see and color.

FEMA wanted to teach kids about disasters but this coloring book is one. I'll admit the drawing is a little weird but a few other outrages jumped out at me.

1) Who the hell drew this? I know these things have to be simple, but let's up the quality of our State issued coloring books. I blame cronyism. Some FEMA official gave the freelance contract to their buddy, the Michael Brown of coloring book illustrators.

2) Worst. Font. Ever. Actually, Papyrus is. Obama should work to outlaw both. (Another Design Outrage: Why is the second line of text so short instead of having all three lines more balanced?)

3) So 9/11 is going on and this woman is watching the action unfold on her wall-mounted Etch A Sketch AND holding a magazine that somehow contains a printed photo of the plane closer to the tower than it is in real life. It makes no sense...unless what we are witnessing is advanced cubist coloring book theory where multiple points in time are illustrated together.

Caricature