Non-Friedman Friedmanism

The first line from a NYTimes article today caught my eye:

Getting between a broker and his bonus is like getting between a schnauzer and his lunch bowl. He may not bite you, but you are going to smell his breath.

Huh? I quickly looked for the line at the bottom "Thomas Friedman contributed to this report" but it wasn't there. I don't know if they are biting Friedman's style, but I definably smell it on their breath. Or something.

Hack of the Day

There's bad cartoonists. There's hacks. And then there's Sean Delonas.

The "Page Six" cartoonist for the NY Post is know for his cartoons that viciously mock gays, women and fat people. On top of that he's just not any good at coming up with ideas. Last June I posted about Delonas tracing his own cartoon and reissuing it, which might be an industry first.

The jet landing in the Hudson River recently provided cartoonists with an easy news peg: label the plane "economy" and go home for the day. But Delonas takes this practice to a lower level, employing the plane four times in the last nine days.

At least he didn't trace them this time.

Editorial cartooning is crumbling. Economic forces beyond our control threaten it from the outside. Within the field, lazy unoriginal cartoonists threaten to make the whole profession a joke.

I don't know what frightens me more...

The fact that Rush Limbaugh had an Op-Ed in The Wall Street Journal in which he proposes the "Obama-Limbaugh Stimulus Plan of 2009."

OR

Snuggies.

(via Kevin)

Meth + Massage

If you watch the HBO documentary "The Trials of Ted Haggard" keep an eye out for a brief appearance of one of my cartoons.

Gitmo

So Gitmo is set to be closed down...eventually. It's going to take the Obama administration a year to do it, with Karl Rove predicting he won't succeed.

I do have one question that I'd like to see a reporter ask Obama. Since the illegal detentions began, those that resisted their imprisonment through hunger strikes have been tied down and force fed. Is this happening right now?

Ad Nauseum

I went to see a movie this weekend and while I avoid the snack bar's obscene prices, I wanted to see how obscene they were these days. Trouble was, the board where prices are normally listed was a video screen which was currently showing an ad for Dasani bottled water. This crossed some imaginary line of acceptability in my head and I nearly combusted into flames. I want to know the prices and I want to know them now!

Small popcorn $5.50. Dasani bottled water $4.00.


(Hey, wasn't my blog post title clever? I'm sure no one has used it for a post about advertising before!)

Zen Legal Theorists

I'm very worried about this New Age "Zen Legal Theory" that seems to be gaining prominence. Does Deepak Chopra have a new book out on this or something? The "move forward" attitude to prosecutions is the new "it" trend in legal thinking. Better get on board. Fox New Sunday:

WALLACE: How do you feel about that, the idea of the possibility of investigations and even criminal prosecution of people who were doing what they were told to do during the Bush years?

What's the point of laws anyway? They were just doing what they were told. Were they told to do something illegal? Chill out, man. Relax with a scented candle. McCain's response:

MCCAIN: I think it's time to move forward. I believe that waterboarding is in violation of the Geneva Conventions, and I've said it for years. But it's time to move forward.

He's said it for years. Again, I ask this formula to be applied to other crimes committed by the unimportant commoners who don't hold power over the nation. "Why yes, assault is a violation of the law, and I've said it for years! Decades I've said this! But let's be reasonable here."

The Nuremberg Principles, a shrill screed written by liberal bloggers and outraged cartoonists, has very radical ideas about lawbreaking that play into their partisan witch hunt agenda:

Principle I: Any person who commits an act which constitutes a crime under international law is responsible therefor and liable to punishment.

Principle III: The fact that a person who committed an act which constitutes a crime under international law acted as Head of State or responsible government official does not relieve him from responsibility under international law.

Principle IV: The fact that a person acted pursuant to order of his Government or of a superior does not relieve him from responsibility under international law, provided a moral choice was in fact possible to him.

Seems simple enough. But leave it to New Age quacks to find a way to dance around plain facts with mumbo jumbo. Pretty soon they'll be incorporating quantum physics and astral projection into the mix.

New Comic

Some folks are crazy.

Oh My

Fisting.

illo

An illustration for the OC Weekly about a 16-year-old wearing a shirt that portrayed Obama as a monkey and spouting all sorts of racist nonsense.

Do The Crime, Forget With Time

That the Bush administration ordered waterboarding is a fact--they've proudly admitted to it. That waterboarding is torture is clear--we've prosecuted people for doing it to our soldiers. It did not cease to be illegal over the last eight years because John Yoo and David Addington wrote memos saying the president can do whatever he sees fit. That is the Nixon defense: "When the president does it, that means it is not illegal." Not so, unless we allow them to get away.

Most politicians and pundits want to "move on" and think investigating and subsequently prosecuting members of the Bush administration for their numerous violations of the Constitution and International Law would be "bad for the country."

It was Bush that was bad for the country.

We face a lot of other problems that need our attention. But we can walk and chew gum at the same time.

Why is punishing lawbreakers so controversial at the national political level? We clamor for harsh sentences for poor drug addicts, but when a president breaks laws or kills thousands we develop amnesia. We claim to be a nation of laws and not of men. Let's back it up.

The idea that doing this is "looking back" or "obsessing over the past" is an idea I'd like to hear a common criminal express when the police show up at their door. Unless we have entered the era of Pre-Crime foretold by Philip K. Dick, we have no choice but to "look back" as we prosecute a crime. They usually occur in the past. And prosecuting them today is a way to send a message to presidents in the future.

So let's look forward...to the fair trials we are obligated to give all of our citizens who break the law.

Bush Memorials

Nothing should be named after George W. Bush that isn't totally corrupt, disreputable, incompetent and/or criminal.

Civil Discourse

Cross-posted at the ACLU Blog of Rights

Today marks the departure of the Bush administration--and the opportunity to restore civil liberties and the rule of law to America. It's also the return of Civil Discourse, my bi-weekly comic for the ACLU. There's a lot to be done this year. I'll be chronicling the hilarity, absurdity and outrages and posting all my new cartoons here on the blog. If you want a look back at the insanity of the last few years, check the archive.

MailBag DoucheBag - "That's how I feel about it" Edition

I got a few letters criticizing me for talking about drawing Bush's obit cartoon one day. The best one comes from treasonsucks@bitchslapaliberal.com:

I'm a stalwart Conservative and you're missing the point on Bush. He's one of YOU. He's a liberal. You should go easy on the poor bastard. Were you this rough on Clinton? Because apart from the scandals and the bulbous nose, Clinton and Bush are bedfellows.

I understand your hatred of Bush because I hate liberals with a passion myself. I believe liberals should be rounded up en masse and processed through concentration camps and the gas chambers. That's how I feel about it. America would be truly free if every leftist viewpoint were summarily exterminated.

Thank you!

James M. Baker
Indianapolis

Memory Lane II

For the last two years, I've barely drawn Bush. By the sixth year of his presidency the idea of having a narcissistic idiot running the country had lost most of its humor and I just wanted it to end. The marathon 2008 election gave me the cover I was looking for. Here's some memorable events from the last four years.

In the run-up to the 2004 election I pondered why anyone would vote for the man again...

...and when he won I wondered what kind of country I was living in.

In Bush's last press conference he claimed the response to Hurricane Katrina was fine and dandy. Uh huh.

Rewriting history and claiming near-dictatorial powers was still considered acceptable to much of the public and media in 2005.

Five years after 9/11 everything was running smoothly!

On a trip to Vietnam, Bush said there were valuable lessons to learn from the Vietnam War: Don't pull out from a quagmire too soon.

Oh, It's Not Raining...

Those are Lincoln's tears of joy!

(click here to view)

Ross Gosse Editoons, iNCk. Jan 19, 2009 EditorialCartoonists.com

Farewell

Memory Lane

It's been a long eight years and I'm looking forward to finally drawing cartoons under another president. I was digging through to archives trying to find some interesting stuff for you. I'll have to be selective since the first 100 or so cartoons I did were horrible.

Remember that war idea? That turned out pretty good. Here's one of my first cartoons of Bush.

After the invasion, a peaceful democracy took a few weeks to develop.

Eventually technology reached the point where color could be transmitted via computer screens and I jumped on that bandwagon.

Apparently the Bush administration wasn't completely honest with us about WMDs.

Some innocent pranks happened at Abu Ghraib prison and I blew it all out of proportion. The initial claim that it was a few bad apples has proven correct and I remain embarrassed about the comic to this day.

Wait a minute. What's going on in the fourth panel of this cartoon? Holy shit--it's an honest-to-god Terrorist Fist Jab!

Tuesday I'll post cartoons from the second term.

Get Your War Gone

One thing I will miss about the Bush administration is Get Your War On, the comic strip by David Reese which ends this week. Reese put most political cartoonists to shame, satirizing the War On Terror while others were still advocating shopping sprees to defeat Al Qaeda. Unfortunately I can't link to the final strip because Rolling Stone doesn't put them online. (I guess they want people to actually pick up their physical magazine--weird.) Now all I have to look forward to every issue is the perennial shirtless photo of John Mayer.

I asked in the Luckovich post about repeating the same image with different joke in it. Reese might be the best example of doing that well. He tossed his jokes into clip art and came up with funnier comics than most people who can draw. Daily editorial cartoonists should take note of that time-saving strategy. You only have to draw the couple in front of the TV once. The hours you normally waste crosshatching can now be used to think of a better joke.

Besides losing a kick ass strip, it's also the loss of the only major publication (that I'm aware of) to have a regular political cartoonist. Once thought of as a great idea, magazines like Harper's and The Nation can't be bothered with it anymore. Although they are staying relevant with some really awesome essays on poetry!

Bush by the Numbers

Harper's Index gives us a retrospective of the Bush Era.

Thumbs Up Dumbs Down

On Tuesday America will inaugurate its first African-American President. If there's one thing we can be sure of, it's that Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln will be fist-pounding on heaven's clouds as they look down with pride and approval. Right? Maybe not.

Leonard Pitts Jr. seems to think we've gone too far in mythologizing Lincoln's affection for African-Americans and specifically refers to the fawning political cartoons as an example of "how shallow our comprehension of history is."

...when Obama was elected in November, every third political cartoonist seemed to use an image of a celebrating Lincoln to comment upon the milestone that had occurred. Lincoln, they told us, would have been overjoyed.

Actually, Lincoln likely would have been appalled.

Leonard goes on to explain why, but he's got history wrong in one key area. It wasn't "every third cartoonist." More like 9 out of 10.

Barack Obama makes it easy to for cartoonists to do this since he is totally BFFs with Lincoln. He took the Lincoln whistle stop train tour, is swearing in on Lincoln's Bible and pledged to wear Lincoln's top hat to the inaugural ball. (I made the last one up but don't be surprised if it happens.)

My question is, political cartoonists seemed to exhaust the Lincoln cartoons when Obama won the primary, was officially nominated and ultimately elected. Will they bring him back Tuesday to deliver a fourth teary-eyed thumbs-up blessing?

Whistle Stop the Madness!

Methinks Obama is taking the Lincoln thing too far. CNN:

The 137-mile journey from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Washington, D.C. -- where Obama takes the oath of office Tuesday -- retraces the train route taken by his hero Abraham Lincoln as he traveled to assume the presidency in 1861.

The Press is really eating up the historical parallel designed specifically for them to eat up. You might say they are "all aboard." (That was a good one, huh?)

I just heard Obama making a speech that sounded like an SNL skit. It was that bad. He thanked the conductors and the men who laid the track and then said he wants to fight for the "kids who hear whistles on the train and dream of a better life." Kids dream of a better life when they hear train whistles?

Headline of the Day

Martyrdom beckons Lebanese teen, but she really wants to direct

Aspiring filmmaker Hiba Qassir is about to graduate from a Hezbollah-backed high school. She loves movies, but would give up her career dream if offered the chance to be a suicide bomber.

Onion? No, LA Times.

Cartoon Crutch Quilt

We've all seen the editorial cartooning tropes; couple at the breakfast table, couple watching TV, flood waters labeled with a problem. We've all done them. Some rely on them more than others.

Mike Luckovich is the two-time Pulitzer Prize winning cartoonist for the Atlanta Journal Constitution and probably the most widely reprinted editorial cartoonist in America. A New York Times editor dubbed him the "alpha male" of our field. Luckovich always draws the same middle-aged couple in front of a 147-inch wall-mounted flatscreen TV commenting on the day's news.

I was curious to know how often he really does it, so I strolled through his archive and made a quilt out of them! The cartoons below are from the last year and a half only. (And I think I may have missed a few.)

(click to enlarge)

That's a lot of TVs! Is this laziness or does recycling a scene for your joke delivery help the cartoon in some way? I ask in all seriousness.

Iron Will

A brief reprieve from the political before we get to the good shit next week...

Clint Eastwood is a great director. And as an actor...well, he's very talented at being a scowling bad ass. Doesn't matter if it's a cop, boxing instructor, cowboy, whatever. Dude can scowl. But at some point his capacity to kick ass has gotta lose some believability. Take "Gran Torino." Looks good, but I think those Hmong gangsters would wreck his ass

NEXT WEEK: Bush leaves office. Big party here at the Bors Blog. Two comics aren't going to be enough for this momentous event--I've got four. Plus Bush era favorites from the archive. Don't miss it!

misc.

Found at a bus stop. Note the double comma and use of "totally."
(click to enlarge)

MailBag DoucheBag

In regards to the Kennedy comic, Mary writes:

That's as opposed to the NAABP, right? National Association for the Advancement of (Incompetent) Bush People. Considering what the Bush offspring got without earning a bit of it, the Kennedys are pikers.

Got me. I have never once criticized the Bush family.

For The Record

"I am definitely not pro-sodomy." --Mike Huckabee

Well, I'm glad that got cleared up.

Good Career Move?

Right now I'm working with war correspondent and non-plumber, David Axe, on a graphic memoir. I'm thinking of backing out of the project. Joe the Plumber will be back from Israel soon and no doubt lining up all sorts of new gigs, endorsements and action figures.

I should probably try to sell him on a graphic novel of his travels abroad. Nothing with traditional anti-American reporting in it. But real boots-on-the-ground average Joe observations.

Joe, if you're out there, have your people call my people.

Not A Joke

There is a war going on in Gaza. Everyone is wondering if Israel and Palestine can get on the road to a peaceful agreement. Children are dying. What is America's response? Send in Joe the Plumber.

If Israelis and Palestinians are fortunate enough not to be familiar with the unlicensed drain snaker, then they probably don't understand how insulting it is to have him "report" on their lives. Joe is now advocating for the end of war reporting. Seriously.

Plea From The Cartoonist

Once or twice a year I like to bug you about writing your local papers to ask them to run my strip.

Last week I lost my largest paper, The Village Voice, due to cutbacks and lost a few more papers last year due to them either cutting pages or folding completely. If you live in New York and like my work, consider writing the Voice to let them know.

A lot of my cartooning colleagues seem to be having the same trouble. Papers are cutting content like mad. If you live in a city that runs my work in print, please write the paper to let them know you like it. If your city doesn't run my work, let them know you'd like to see it in print. It's what pays the bills and keeps this website up and running. Thanks.

NAAKP

What is it with Democrats and their empty Senate seats? Roland Burris comes off as a deranged megalomaniac who claims that god chose him to represent Illinois. And if anyone challenges his appointment...well, clearly only a racist who wants an all-white Senate would do that.

Then there is Caroline Kennedy, whom I cannot believe we are having a conversion about. You can probably guess from the tone of the cartoon how I feel about the constant advancement of their dynasty. Caroline's initial push for the seat went off as if she expected to slide into a Senate seat without answering a single question from the press or public. Can't the Democratic party can't find anyone better or more qualified to represent one of the most important and populated states in America?

Wednesday: Clint Eastwood's next movie

Loathsome

The Beast's "Most Loathsome Americans List" for 2008 has been released. Always fun.

MailBag DoucheBags

A reader makes a strange comparison:

You do not care why God allows suffering since it is quite apparent you do not believe He exists. Funny thing about that, in Iwo Jima they did not think the bomb existed, until it hit them. So you see, it really does not matter if you "believe" there is a God who is in control of everything, your belief, or non belief will not effect Him, but had the people of Japan known that USA would have dropped that bomb on them, I think they would not have bombed Pearl Harbor. Perhaps you should rethink your blasphemous attitude?

It's true that suffering doesn't negate the existence of god. "He" could exist and allow things like slavery to go on for centuries. It would just mean he is the biggest douche bag of all time.

And another:

God allows suffering because without suffering there is no such thing as joy, peace, etc. etc.

Clearly there can be peace without suffering. Peanut Butter exists independently of Jelly, even though it makes the other taste better.

Absurd Promotional Mailer

My girlfriend bought a pack of smokes with a debit card once so we get non-stop Camel shit in the mail. Back when the stimulus checks went out they sent us coupons that looked like a government check and told us to stimulate the economy. The latest came in December and is specifically designed to stop people from quitting as a New Year's resolution. Nice.

I love that design. Love the copy even more. I look at people smoking Camels and I think "style." When are fashion shows going to let the ladies smoke on the catwalk? That would be stylish. And fierce.

Worried about your rep? Who isn't. Gotta keep that shit intact. But did you know Camel can "protect your rep"? It's true--just fill out the "confidentiality agreement." Don't forget to smoke Camels.

Whenever I'm out partying, smoking Camels, and engaging in illegal/immoral behavior I always run into the problem of people not keeping it confidential. (it's always the non-Camel smokers who snitch.) Well, problem solved. Thanks for the contract Camel. You just made lifer out of me.

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

Barack Obama appears in a back-up story in the latest issue of Spider-Man. The plot sounds really riveting:

The comic starts with Spider-Man's alter-ego Peter Parker taking photographs at the inauguration, before spotting two identical Obamas.

Parker decides "the future president's gonna need Spider-Man," and springs into action, using basketball to determine the real Obama and punching out the impostor.

Obama thanks him with a fist-bump.

What a great plan, Spider-Man! It's a good thing that impostor wasn't good at basketball!

Quiz

People have all sorts of explanations for why god allows suffering. None of them make any sense.

Print Readers: Chance To Get Original Art

Entering your comic into the various awards for editorial cartoons usually requires submitting physical copies of the cartoons from the papers they ran in. I rarely see my cartoons in print since they don't run here in Portland so I need some help. Most awards haven't recognized an "alternative" editorial cartoonist in anyway, but I feel like submitting to at least let them know I exist.

I need a print reader in each city I run in to collect my tear sheet each week and send them to me at the end of 2009. If you are up for it, I will gladly send you the original art for the cartoon of your choice at the end of the year.

Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Burlington, Boston, et al--shoot me an e-mail: click the letter icon at the top right of the blog.

2009

I've made it back to Portland after a long visit to Ohio so regular blogging should resume.

I've got a huge project on my table for 2009. I'm signing a deal to draw a graphic novel that will be released in 2010. After everything is finalized I'll give you all the details.

Uh Oh

Serially wrong pundit Bill Kristol is making predictions again:

Obviously, war is an unpredictable business, so I say this with some trepidation: I think the conventional wisdom will be proved wrong. Israel could well succeed in Gaza.

Sorry, Israel.

Debt

Barack Obama came under fire during the election for saying he wanted to spread the wealth around. What wealth?